It was not suppose to happen
by bye bye sora
Summary: Russia and America, year of 2012, tensions continue to rise as they still act like mirrors from conservatives societies. As countries they don't detach their personal side from their nation which brings many problems, their own feelings being the major one. The other countries want to help but they won't take it lightly... Title sucks, sorry its late to change. Warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, slight smut and some colourful language among other offensive things.

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a movie..._

**Notes:**

[Let's make this easy to understand... please read!

This happens on the year of 2012 and is not meant to be offensive, is just a different story with the intention of showing the homophobia and hate part that most hide or ignore! I made them homophobic and in fragile terms ... sorry about that but is needed.

They are trying to deal with his nation side conflicting with the country side, the other countries become worried and want to help, specially when they found that both countries regressed in their own personal views.

This story shows their progress through time and how their own minds crash and try to be the suppose model that everyone expects. There's a time for hate, a time for love and a time for confusion.. Life is not easy, especially for countries that have to bend themselves to current times and discard themselves from their own nation…

Implied NetherlandxCanada; Fruk; Gerita; Sufin and non returned feeling of some countries]

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

This will have present and past history facts. History contexts are based on real events but the stories are fictional.

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p>Was another conference about Europe's economy and the G8 was reunited with the countries in debt (Greece, Spain, Portugal and some more) Every single one was able to find some solutions easily and make their points be understand. England was being his usual self and not wanting to help just to be different and attentions turned to him with now a very offended and sleepy Greece. Russia agreed to help Europe and now was time for America to try to ease his debts and ask some more money, even hurting his pride he was used to it now which people agreed but Russia now was on China's side and refused easily without much thought on it.<p>

America was on his sit staring deeply to the Russian right in front of him lost on his thoughts 'How dare he refuse to help me... has he forgot I'm one of the strongest economy's! Stupid commie...' when his attention was called he defended himself but not in the way he thought, he was fuming ''Stupid Commie! You got to help me! Why are you refusing to help me when you agreed helping Euro?''

Russia still wearing his everlasting childish smile and replied softly contrasting with the loud voice on the other side ''I help them because that is something I need to do, not because I like... ''

America couldn't believe 'the commie' was again trying to do something ''And why do you need to help them?''

Russia shrugged and replied a bit louder than before ''I want your economy to fail but to achieve that I need my economy and Europe's as well to be bigger than yours.''

That's was it... stupid commie spends the meetings staring at him and America, as the Hero that he is, never refuses a staring contest, not because the other's eyes are deeply beautiful and attract him since the first time he noticed them, no, because he was the hero, and so he needs to win. On the other side Russia still envies the obnoxious little American and blames him for his loneliness and big fall, not because the other yellow hair and sky eyes are endearing. Both started to argue, deeply focused on each other; each meeting they refuse to talk to each other to avoid these scenes but after so many recent meetings they were _done_ with each other.

The meeting starts to fall, France blaming England and England blaming France, Germany sighs and tries to keep it together in defeat knowing that now that the biggest and usually calm countries like China also started to argue and Switzerland just blame the security for not letting him bring his gun.

''WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH!''

The room fell silent staring at America who yelled and now stood with one gun on his hand pointing it to Russia on the other side of the table. England asked smoothly to America drop it knowing the look on his former colony eyes, on the other side Russia continued to smile with a little knife on his hand and the other hand on a gun of his own, he may have been confiscated of his pipe but he still has weapons as defence.

The countries rose from his chairs and stood back, that stares were no good and they knew it very well. Minutes passed with the countries practically glued to the room walls and two countries staring at each other when Russia decided to speak ''I do not hate you''

''Oh yeah! That not what it looks commie!''

''Stop calling me that... we both know that I am not communist any more Amerika''

''This time I will kill you for good!''

''I will not help you.''

''Last warning commie!''

Both started to argue again, America brought his super strength and shoved the table aside, both shoved the remaining chairs and almost hit the remain countries, soon they were punching each other America still holding one gun to Russia and Russia with the knife strategically pointed to kill him not wanting to bring is gun to the game so soon.

America grabbed with one hand Russia's hair while forcing the other to stop punching him and Russia tried to knock out the gun on America's hand, they kept their fighting succeeding in knocking out both weapons rolling on the floor punching each other chest and face while kicking legs.

Bites, punches, kicks, where blocked and given, some hit some missed, America with one bruised lip and Russia a swollen eye kept bruising each other as the other countries were too induced in stupor by the violence of it all.

With a low groan Russia shoved America beneath him, pressing his legs on the ground with his own, while trying to take the other grip on his neck when suddenly both stopped trashing staring shocked at each other wide eyes. The feeling of each other crotch, which was not meant so erect and pulsing, _never_, especially in a fight against your enemy, making them stop on their tracks. Suddenly America dropped Russia neck and scarf trying to speak with deep red covering his face and neck but no words sounding while Russia stood up and left the room with a deeply blushed face and a big uncharacteristic frown while glowing to everyone who stood near.

Several minutes passed with some of the countries looking at each other not really understanding what had happened, some slight perturbed and some blushing.

France turned to England with a low whisper ''Did they?'' and a flustered England nodded not knowing exactly what to say while countries left the room leaving America sitting on the ground nodding negatively, murmuring incoherent words and fisting the ground in a mix of anger and self hate.

When almost every one was away France turned again to the Brit ''Bathroom?'' receiving a death glare followed from cursing and a hand on his wrist dragging him to the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, slight smut and some colourful language

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a movie..._

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

This will have present and past history facts. History contexts are based on real events but the stories are fictional.

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p><strong>1861 – Russia is supporting the United states as an unofficial friend, Russia visits America to know how he is doing through all the fights and tensions.<strong>

_"We'll be back in a few years, work a lot da? Remember I'm supporting you, we do not believe in slavery." Russia smiled nodding to America who had France on his side, said nation only stared at them with an amused smile letting them saying their goodbyes._

_"Yeah dude, and thanks again… this really means a lot to me." America gave a small blush and hugged the russian that cheerfully returned the gesture, was only is impression or they stood a bit longer than needed on that hug! yes, they became big friends on this years but… oh maybe it's truth…_

_"Au revoir russe, see you in a few months." France gave him a quick hug and a wink turning to the american side watching the imperial Russia walk to his ship to face a long journey and only be back many years later._

_France stared to the American following his gaze, oh yes he found something here, the young teen has a crush and he gets to enjoy every part. They starred together to the Russian walking away with a few people on his imperial suit and scarf floating on the air._

_"Le russe is a nice fellow..." America turned to him and smiled._

_"yeah, he is the only one that doesn't sees me like a kid.. it's cool…"_

_He leaned closer and whispered on America's ear "and has a nice derrière non?" receiving a big blush and a hard glare, oh his puritan side was simply amusing, England raises the most cute nations, he hesitate but answered._

_"… what do you mean?" France returned to watch the russian that was far away walking to the ship._

_"I'm talking about ze ass-"_

_"not that! Why are you saying **that** to me?" America was now turning fully to him embarrassed but not backing down, he was curious and France only comply "but is ze truth non? I saw you lusty eyes cher and I can not blame you, he looks ravishing in that imperial suit~~" he teased._

_"…. I don't know what you mean… " His eyes showed embarrassment and still lust and that was still not a deny, and France knew he had touched a sweet spot, who knew that the 'admiration' was also 'attraction'…_

_"Oh coeur do not deny please.. I saw it… you desire the russe, even if he is older…"_

_"He's a man!" America showed anger on his tone making a slight disgusted face "That's dirty and you'll burn in hell just for thinking that!"_

_France gave a sigh, he should know that England would keep the boy in touch with the humans rules and not with nations "that is not truth cheri, you can also think whatever you wish and besides, nations work very differently than humans" he raised one eyebrow and pretended hurt "do you think of me or England as dirty men?"_

_"No… I didn't mean…. I… " America was having difficulty making up his mind and France decided to change techniques, maybe this would work better..._

_"I saw him naked you know…" the american stared eye wide and mouth open barely whispering "who?" , oh the naïvety, how he wished sometimes to get his own back._

_"The Russe of course, he is handsome, even better without zat clothes…" he leaned again in his huskier voice "blushing, sweating and panting underneath me", actually he wouldn't know directly, Catherine the great was enough supply on that matter, she told everything about the cold nation, and France tried, oh he tried but the nation was naïve and something more about that subject, he only got to see him undressed, nothing more, a pity…_

_America stepped back looking down but France continued "his skin his so pale and slight cold but he turns warm wherever you touch him", he placed one hand on the american chest feeling the heartbeat racing at every word, "he's warm and tight inside…a delicious contrast to his outside..." he stepped to him again closing the distance between them "his hair is soft and his chest broad and firm" he was now talking in low tone on his ears looking at his blushing face and panting breaths, "he has the firmest ass, round and grab-able and he makes the cutest noises as his voice turns more huskier on every breath and pant-…" America cut him shoving him with strength making him fall on his rear and notice the bulge on the american pants, oh, he was good~_

_"Stop! what are you doing?" he hissed to France that was licking his lips amused, he do not wish to sleep with the American, simply enlighten him for such carnal subjects, they are indeed worth it._

_"Cher… I was only sharing with you…" he was cut again and saw slight hurt on the teen eyes, maybe was the wrong approach, oh well the young blond was turned on and that was the goal, right?_

_"I don't want to know about the people you slept with! that's disgusting France!"_

_France got up and looked straight to his eyes walking to him again "Non, it's not! disgusting is denying that you don't find him attractive when you obviously find." with that he pressed the other crotch with his palm receiving a tight moan and another rough shove._

_"I want you out of my land France, I do appreciate what you done but I don't need your help again.." his voice was low and the cold stare he was giving said it all, but France could not have that, oh now he knows that America is aware that he turned side to the confederation, how smart, not smart enough to France though._

_"Of course, you already have his help non?"_

_"Shut UP!"_

_"He wants you too cher, he just doesn't knows it yet!"_

_"GO!"_

_France got up and smiles to him "As you wish but big brother can only advise you that we are not humans and our hidden desires can be dangerous, especially lustful desires…"America turned away with anger and France could see his British man on those actions, he laughed and walked away this would be indeed fun to watch. Hopefully this will not turn like them…_

_**Flashback Notes: **accurate events -France turns to the confederacy side with England while tsarist Russia unofficial diplomatic friendship becomes supporting and official against the confederation (Tsar Alexander II and Lincoln)_

_._

**Present day**

America was bored, he was watching a movie, and after the little incident in the meeting he decided he needed food, games and movies.

It was a shame that Japan was busy and only played video games through internet with him a few hours, Toni is on the basement, it seems he doesn't want to watch aliens movies… England, France and Europe are busy, the bastards, England working to have things prepared for the Olympics, France of course with his new elections and the what's his name, the one with the bear, his brother… Cada…Cana…Canada, yes, he's nowhere to be seen… So his destiny is to stay moping and hoping Russia doesn't get to the semi finals of Euro, ahaha, that would teach the bastard, smug bastard thinks he has a great time this year…

America was pissed, not even the popcorn were helping, what the hell happened? Of course he is a nice piece of American ass but there's no way he swings to that side, nu-uh, he's manly, heroic, a figure to be adored. It's not his fault the economy is shit and he is feeling slightly constipated, look at Greece, it's his fault, yeah, the uncontrolled savages… Wait where did this begun? Oh yes,Russia….

That Bastard does everything to piss him off, he's constantly mysterious, against America, putting his nose on the other country wars and fights only to be against America, wait… he's part of the Security Council and Nato… fuck… that bastard is everywhere… Oh yes and when he entered to the shield the bastard was offended and immediately said America wanted to hurt him, the Hell he's only trying to protect the world from the unstable bastard…

America sighed and shifted, there's no way he feels attracted to the man, no way.. he tried it once or twice with a man on the 70's of course but he is not like that, he is not one of _them_.

Russia kind of _is_ handsome… in a manly way… as a manly man can think of another man handsome of course, and he has those deep purple mysterious and cold eyes… They are pretty, damn they look jewels… this is America thinking in a manly way! Not thinking the man is pretty, no, simply manly handsome like many others men like himself… yeah if he was not himself he would tap that ass… Wait.. if he was gay of course, but he is not gay!

He clutched his head, it hurts to have so many people thinking, so many ideas, so many beliefs and histories, it conflicts on his head, major he doesn't like gay people, it's a sin, a big sin, on the other side there's no place where it says that it is a sin right? Somewhere a few tell is okay that he is wrong, he's ignorant, damn he is not ignorant! They are sinners! Can't they see it? He tries to be neutral, he tries but they are eluded, can't they understand that?

He looked at the plasma, he lost where it was… well, Russia always makes him lost his trail of thought, like that once where he thought Russia sent him nano Russian robots to spy on him but actually was a colony of ants that appeared on his house from his garden… how cool was to have nano robots to spy on the other nations? He could help and even reprimand them, he would be a Hero much quickly and easier..

He has not being feeling a Hero lately, all this problems, all this doubts, all this things on his head and now him… the bastard, he had to fight… he had to_ feel_-

They are more psychological, Russia is passive aggressive, he waits for the best chance, America is the one more physical, he attacks, is impulsive, normally Russia only defends himself, of course they are almost on the same level, America is much stronger and hotter though, wait… he just meant stronger, yeah, so he started fight back and they ended on that not so good position, worse the little gasp Russia gave can't leave his mind and it's driving him crazy… stupid man… he only wants to see him hurt and submitting to him, telling how great democracy is, how wonderful and hot America is, kneel and look up to him, like all the others will do someday because he is great, look up with those incredible eyes and start undoing his jeans while his big, but firm hands, rub hi-

''NO! shit! I blame it all on his commie mind washing powers!'' he yelled to nothing the whale peeking to him concerned

He's going crazy and it's all the other nations fault… stupid France, stupid England, stupid Canada that's nowhere to be seen… he needs to talk… fuck.. he needs to… he doesn't even know, his country side hurts and his human side is confused.. damn..

That meant nothing, nothing, there's no way he's attracted by that commie rusky and there's no way he … he was.. damn and it was hot-… shit… no! there's no way something happened there, was only the rush of the fight, they are levelled so it must be it… it _needs_ to be it… United Stated of America is not a fag! He slept with beautiful woman all over the years and even slept with one or other female nation, he is not homosexual and will never be…

Is Russia gay? What it would like to have Russi- NO!

America stood up the couch and walked out of the door to the park, he needs to think about something else.

XxXxX

Across the Ocean Russia was drinking Vodka, rants and mutineers were rioting on the streets of Moscow, every single day… his head hurt so much but vodka helps everything!

His big sister his worried with the Euro, football that's what people need, they will make him feel happy with excitement, he knows, it would be even better if the silly teams decided Mother Russia is always better, the team this year is good, he's not worried…

At least he has been busy and did not though once about the accident.. damn, he's thinking about it, how nice felt to have America pinned and hard under him, the breathless moan he gave when their groins touched, he _hated_ it! The kid is one of _them_, one of the people his country wants to hate, one of the people _he_ wants to hate, the same people hurt him in the past and erased any physical desire he could have, not even Catherine the great was able to change his mind, yes sex feels good but is limited, quick and it turns always cold in the end.. Why bother?

Sometimes he went to prostitutes on the streets of Moscow, that was rare though, he always has much work or a nice bottle to warm him… why bother when not even that little moment of pleasure is slightly empty?

But It was fun to know Prussia spent years in fear to be raped, he would never do _that_, he knows many ways of torture much more effective, besides Prussia may or not get off on that, the man was made to fight and torture, he's hard and stubborn he may be a masochist.. he didn't want to risk that, Belarus is enough trouble… On these days she's getting warm to Poland, how nice… and he always thought would be Lithuania steeling her heart.. that's a good man… nice and domestic… he would give a good husband for her… he is also a wonderful friend.

Russia looked at the watch, 3:40am.. he still can't sleep… He always had problems sleeping but they are getting back… He spent days bothered because of America now he still can't sleep…

That greedy American, he thinks he's got all the saying in the other countries aspects, he thinks he will save everyone while collapses himself… Greedy idiotic capitalistic pig… His luck is to have resources and great lands, how he envies that warm land, he lives in a mostly frozen hell, waste land..America said that and he's right.. 'who would want _this_ waste land…' he t thought bitterly

He gulped the rest of the vodka content and not even the slight burn made him warm.. so cold.. always so cold…

America has hot breath, warm skin and a sunny personality, it's not fair… he's so beautiful with that tanned sun-kissed skin, blue filled with optimism and freedom eyes, sunflower hair… meanwhile he's pale as snow, his ashy light blond slightly greyish hair not helping, his most interesting feature must be his eyes, but even those are weird, a violet or purple? Somewhere in between, they change a bit, people used to fear his eyes, now they don't but still look, it feels weird to be judged like that, he doesn't likes.. its like when he goes to the meetings and everyone is so well dressed and he's always afraid of dressing something too poor or wrong and be judged.. He likes to be in control and he can't control what other will think, it scares him…. But America dresses whatever he wants and always looks good… so handsome, so warm and bright if he could he would just feel how warm he is, how his breath picks a pace when he fights, how his face- of course he is thinking this in a friendly way yes? He doesn't feel attracted by America, he would never… fuck… his head hurts, the voices are loud and a few yell that that's unfair, they are also allowed to love… it's not love, its dirty, non-natural…

Russia looked to the watch 4:15am, damn, he will try to sleep and hopefully have no dreams.. He doesn't know what's worse, the dreams about bad things or the dreams with his family and ex-friends… they all hurt in the morning…


	3. Chapter 3

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, slight smut and some colourful language among other offensive things.

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a movie..._

**Notes:**

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

This will have present and past history facts. History contexts are based on real events but the stories are fictional.

Only names will be used between bonding countries, it will have a major importance soon...

This happens before the Euro, really.. I started this much before and it will appear ^^

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p><em><strong>1941 - German Invasion of Soviet Union, U.S sends troops to the front of the Soviets<strong>_

_America and Soviet Russia sat in front of each other, their bosses across the room talking politely and tension thick._

_''Why are you helping me America?'' Soviet Russia asks a polite and empty smile ever-present, America sighs and complies with the truth, he doesn't enjoy how Russia changed, how he closed himself from the world, from him, how the greed overpowered his senses and will._

_''We used to be friends''_

_Russia looked to him, smile failing for a second and sniffed in self-pride ''I'am no longer that weak country America''_

_America felt anger boiling and snapped his good intentions turning bitter ''Shut up and accept the help commie!''_

_''Capitalistic fool.'' Soviet Russia decided to finish the conversation there, he knows he is still gathering troops and training them to send them to the front, he needs the american troops._

_''I'll enter in the war in months, I can feel it…'' America says softly glancing at his boss who is talking lightly and politely to the other's boss._

_''Ah.. that will be good…'' Soviet Russia murmurs, he feels the only outsider on that silly war, at least he won't be the only one; that same feeling replaces an equal one from years ago when he was a friend with the american and his head hurts suddenly, longing and agonizing but he shifts it to the corner of his mind, he has much more important things to mind, no nation has friends, it was silly of him...China was right, he was and is right, they must prevail alone._

_''You think?'' America looks up with hopeful blue eyes and his smile drops completely as his face becomes pained serious, his mind hurting while he shifts his gaze to his boss wondering how much longer he needs to be here, **with him**.._

_''I can deal with him without you but yes..Germany Is being strong.. too strong…'' He replies truthfully and slightly shameful of his own weakness, America simply nods and seems as uncomfortable as himself, they do not talk much more for another hour._

* * *

><p><strong> *Present time* <strong>

France looked to England and sighed, England was frowning and looking at the news, same-sex marriage and rights news to be precise, Russia is fighting _against_ the rights… _against_ damn it….

''He will come to light eventually…''France tries to lighten the mood.

''Shut up frog, this concerns us all.''

''Amérique is also having problems…'' France bites his lip.

''I know.. they have such a majority against and the worse it's that they can't separate their own thoughts from their people thoughts.''

''I'm afraid they are not the only ones cher… what if they end so hateful and crazy like we did?''

''I… do not talk about it…'' guilt and pain flicked on England's eyes.

''I wished it was different _Angleterre_, remember I was the one to start t-''

''Stop, please… I am still ashamed about that… I do not wish to recall it…''

''I forgave you…'' France tells softly.

''Francis!''

''Love is so easily misinterpreted, do you think they love each other?''

''Would you change your mind if I told you what I think?''

''Non, I still think they are made for each other'' England scoffed rejoining.

''Well not me, I do not wish to see my colony with that man!''

''I've told you he is not that bad… when you are… in good enough terms with him.''

''I don't care, if he hurts my baby I'll kill him.''

''Like you're really able to mess with Russia.''

''I'll curse him!''

''You have done it when I told you about America's crush for him, it didn't work''

.

**_*1865*_**

_''That bastard, getting my colony infatuated by him I'll show him!'' England murmured to himself as he walked to a circle of old letters and sayings._

_*that same day*_

_''Russia? Are you okay?'' the Tsar asks concerned._

_''Ah, my belly hurts… it must be something I ate…'' he shrugged and smiled to the Tsar while walking to the door, he needs rest._

_._

''Yes, yes, that git, always ruining my curses… he broke my chair Francis.. he's demoniac!''

France rolled his eyes ''You are overreacting''

XxXxX

''Mattie! Finally! Where were you?''

''Netherland's house'' he replied entering on the slight dark apartment ''open your windows America…''

America frowned and walked to them opening them ''I was moping, sulking, in _need_!'' he whined ''what were you doing there? I didn't know you had business with him…'' he walked to the kitchen taking a jar of cookies from the shelter

''I haven't… I went to see him…''Canada flushed a bit and sat on the sofa

America walked to him while opening the jar and placed it on the table, in front of the sofa where he sit next to Canada.

''Why?''

''We… I've told you…''

''Uh?'' he asked eating a cookie.

''We are going out again… just this time is like more than friends'' he coughed and looked away a red blush on his cheeks.

America blinked, he blinked once, twice, three times and yelled ''WHAT!''

''Alfred.. I….''

''The HELL! How could you! How could you become one of them!''

''What?'' Canada stared at him shocked, he was expecting a bad reaction but not this.

''I didn't … gosh.. sorry my people.. just…. Damn bro… '' America sighed exasperated, his own brother... damn...

''Alfred, there is nothing wrong with me, you know that right?''

''I don't.. just… that's wrong! You are a sinner bro..''

''We are all sinners Al...''

''But you are banned from Paradise now… fuck… I really wanted you by my side as my awesome sidekick…''

''Alfred! What are you talking about?'' he asked shifting closer to America who had moved away a bit from him

''You are sick okay! We'll search something and make you change back don't worry! The Hero will help you!'' America laughed a bit edged to be natural

''America, I'm not sick, I love him and I really want him to love me back.''

''That's not love! You are simply alluded, I know a priest that will help you bro.''

''America stop!'' Canada stood up and looked to him frowning, is this the really America? Alfred, his own brother? An ignorant bastard that can't separate himself from his people and worse listen to every single shit they say?

''But bro, you can make it, I know you can, you know I'll tell you something, I had this experiences on the 70's but I found a great priest, God bless him, and he make me heal and be okay again….''

''America, that's not… you don't choose from who you are attracted, you do not choose your sexuality as you choose food.''

''Yes bro, I understand you are in a big level of that but we can make it right? Let me help!''

''You are a jackass United States of America, I thought you were better than this!''

''But bro, that's not real love, can't you see that!''

''And what do you know about love! You always closed your eyes and looked away from it because it hurts, you never had a single lasting relationship! You know nothing about love and you tell me this is not love!'' he said angered and walking away.

America stood a bit taken back but kept firm on his words ''You'll regret that! He is using you for his selfish needs and sins, you are not lost bro, please believe in me!'' He stepped to him silently pleading him to stay.

''Alfred, you are ill not me…'' With that he walked away from the apartment and America walked to the sofa, he stared at the jar of cookies and threw it to the wall, why can't he see that is _wrong_!

His mind hurt so much again, a few voices were yelling 'you ignorant bastard how can you do that to your own brother!'' and others tell him he did the right thing, that he must help his brother and make him see the truth ... He grabbed his hair and decided to sulk a bit more.

OoOoO

''Big sister, how nice to see you.'' Russia smiles hugging her.

''Good to see you too Russia, you are here to see the place where the games will take place yes?''

''Da, I am very exited with them, my team is very good.''

''Oh I hope my team qualifies, they are working so hard.'' she tears a bit and Russia places a hand on her shoulder ''I'm sure they will''

''Oh, yes, my boss told me that you could stay a few days if you wish.''

''Really?''

''Yes, as long we keep saying is for work'' she nods sadly.

''Of course, I understand…''

Later they were watching the news while waiting for Belarus that was joining them in a few hours.

''Its scary how the people are getting Ivan…''

Russia looked emotionless to the small tv in front of him, Russia riots on the screen, people yelling, disgusting men and women kissing each other's same-sex partner, how wrong…. Then people fighting against it, yes _this is_ better.

''Ivan, what are your thoughts on this?''

''I am with the people, we need to stop this silliness. ''

''I asked your opinion not you people's opinion brother.''

''And I've told you what I think, it's not natural, its _wrong_, it's not love and sex is for procreation not…'' he trailed angered.

''Brother… you know I mostly think like you but my human side, I guess… it's not _that_ wrong…''

''What?'' he stared at her as she was alienated.

''I have been thinking… I just… I've seen some same-sex couples and they looked so in love…'' she worried her lip not too sure of himself.

''Its an illusion Ukraine, they do not love, they are lead by filthy lust not love, it can never be love!''

''Why? I mean… I've been asking myself that… there are so many countries opening to that and people too.. It doesn't seem _wrong_….''

''But it is! I do not wish you to think like that Ukraine'' 'Ukraine, not Katyusha' she thought bitterly, old resentments crawling a bit to top.

''Brother…'' 'you do not own me anymore she wanted to say but she saw a bit of hurt on his eyes and looked away, after all he is her brother, she do not wish him bad… ''I do not wish to keep this talk…''

''Very well, Belarus is coming soon, she would not enjoy such subject.''

''Yes, she would not'' _'you would not brother, you!'_ she meant.

OoOoO

''Canada?''

''France..'' He smiled sadly to France who opened the door for him.

''Come inside, what's wrong _petit_?''

''Maple… it's America….''

''Wait, do you wish Arthur to hear?'' he asked walking by his side on the way to the living room where England was sipping his tea and reading a book.

''He's here?''

''Oui, we.. have worked on that little problem, he understands I have nothing more than political and economic shared views with Germany…'' He trailed.

''He is still sore about the Wars… you should be too.''

''But I am not, I am not ashamed of ruining my pride for the sake of my country cher.''

''More than pride was destroyed Francis.. I saw you.. we had to take you from _there_…'' Canada bit his lip, France was stubborn, he doesn't want to admit and mostly bends his will for his boss, it's a twisted way of pride, he doesn't want anyone to think he doesn't acts like he wants.

''Cher, do not go there'' he sighs.

''Sorry…''

''Canada? What are you doing here?'' England asked with a raised eyebrow.

''He wanted to talk to us about Amérique…''

''Oh, sit please'' England placed the book on his side, a marked page closing.

''What's wrong cher?''

''Well... it's Alfred.. he is acting crazy, he… he needs help…''

France and England shared a look and frowned ''What is this about?''

''He can't separate his views and himself from his country side, he is a homophobe bastard.''

''Easy cher, we already know that.''

''You don't understand, he regressed back, he was opening to other views, something made him regress…''

''How so?'' England asked bending forward having a very good idea of what could it be.

''I've told him about me and Netherlands and he said I was ill, that he will save my soul from Hell, he is acting crazy.. it hurt to hear the things he said…''

France hugged Canada and sighed.

''We have to do something Arthur, I do not care what you think but I won't let him hurt _mon pettit couer_''

''I get it, this went through limits…'' he sighed exasperate, he is always his most troublesome ward...

''What should we do?'' Canada looked at them.

''We have a meeting…''

''A meeting?'' Canada blinked.

''When countries started to discover homosexual tendencies we had a meeting to search the phenomena, some of us were very scared'' he looked at England '' and starting to act crazy, this was a long time ago, before you even.. some countries decided not to go and others.. simply walked away… ''

''Who?''

''Russia walked out of the room and took his sisters with him, a few more walked out too, I remember Italy glaring at me and call me sinner too…''France sat on the sofa.

''Did you made more meetings?''

''Of course, we needed to know what was happening, we thought it was a nation thing because there is only a few female nations but we found that our people were starting to do things and having relations in secret.''

''Of course it was awful, many denial situations and only a few taking it lightly or at least more lightly'' England sighed running a hand through his hair ''attraction between same-sex countries was more common that what we thought at the time..''

''Sometimes we still reunite some countries when needed, Ukraine come to us a few years ago, she told us some things a bit scary that made us realise a bit of _that_ part of the world, things only a few have acknowledgement… After that we talked with China.

''China, why?''

''He is the oldest country, we needed to know what he thinks, at the time he was one of the few that was not on the reunions.. ''

''He was already used to that subject, many emperors used to engage in such things so he developed an opinion soon, he was indifferent at the time… now I think he is fine with it… he always kept that to himself for obvious reasons…'' England explained further.

''Can't he influence Russia somehow cher?''

''I don't think so… have you read the reports? They are not even allowed to talk or think…''

''America's boss doesn't mind, shouldn't it induce America or Alfred?'' Canada asks.

''I would think so but people started manifesting against, I guess that's why he is so closed again…''

Matthew bit his lip and sighed ''I think there's this Russia subject that is messing with his head too..''

''Oui, we know… the attraction is evident for centuries…''

''Should I prepare a e-mail to some allies?''

''Oui, make Sure to not bring Russia's sisters and people who are homophobes.''

''Of course… I'll base on the rates though, I'm not sure in some cases like Italy..''

''Even our countries are still fighting cher, I am sure Italy is against marriage but I am not sure about love between same-sex, probably he has a different opinion from his country.''

''Why do you say that?''

''He is very devoted but like me in _l'amour,_ he is touched by deep feelings…''

''Belt up, I won't put their names, only the rest of the countries I will invite, hopefully they will all come…''

''Oui…''

''Thanks guys, I just think we have enough problems, this is unnecessary'' Canada nods and they start planing the meeting.

* * *

><p><strong>Notes:<strong>

****Just a little warning, there was no battle, no troops or army for a direct confront during all the Cold war. There were only jabs, threats and an army competition that led to hatred and hostility. It was psychological and a display of strength to prove who was the best 'superpower'. The little fights that I make here are merely fictional and to prove the hostility and tension towards one another.****

****sorry ass anon, was a little mistake, it was a 8 not a 9... ****


	4. Chapter 4

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, slight smut and some colourful language among other offensive things.

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a movie..._

**Notes:**

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

This will have present and past history facts. History contexts are based on real events but the stories are fictional.

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p><em><strong>March 1867 - U.S. Purchase of Alaska<strong>_

_''This is good, this land has lots of minerals and stuff, are you sure you want to sell it.'' America smiles cheerfully, a tint of hesitation. Russia simply nodded looking at the white snow on the horizon._

_''Yes, we all agree it's very expensive to keep land this far from home and I know it will be in good hands.''_

_''Yeah, thanks… you have been a rock to me...'' America placed a hand on Russia's shoulder and Russia did the same on the other arm stepping closer to the american._

_''I know every one else joined the confederacy, you still feel betrayed and hurt, but think nothing of it, is a big part of us to follow our own views and follow orders…'' Russia tells truthfully._

_''Why are you helping me then? Shouldn't you pursue your wishes? '' America teases knowing their views were a bit different._

_''I am, I am being friend with the Union and making good trades'' he chuckles and gives a true smile, America looses himself on that smile for a while but soon he sighs in relief and sadness._

_''You know what? I thought you would leave me too… ''_

_Russia tenses loosing focus on blue eyes and a sad look appears on purple orbs ''I can not promise not to do it but I will try my best to keep on your side comrade...''_

_''Thanks, you are a good friend…'' America hugs him and he returns it smelling the earthy musky smell of America's hair while America smells his own snowy minted sweaty smell ''So are you…'' 'for a nation' he thinks bitterly but his too lost in the warmth of America's body to conclude the sentence._

OoOoO

America sat on his office reading a few papers, who is he kidding, he can't do a thing to help, he _knows_, his Boss knows and he only keeps reading and nursing a headache that grows worse with each word. He wished it was easier... He remembers when he worked on the middle of his people, cultivating or even being a sheriff, yes he was for a few years until a profound wound got worse and he had to simulate his death. He was forced to move to other city, a very annoying thing to do.

He remembers the pain of becoming an independent nation, he remembers the only one who stood up for him… sometimes he still hopes to walk back to that friendship, he knows it will never be the same though…Russia is very different now.. he guesses he is also different…. Those were tough times but still he wasn't nearly lonely and hated as he is now…

.

**_1821- Arbitration of the Treaty of Ghent, Russia as mediator between Britain and America_**

_''Thanks for accepting this, me and England are.. well, we are not in good terms and I was afraid thing would be even worse.''_

_''I do not mind making the third part, we are friends and we need to keep peace…''_

_''Yeah… '' America sighed; he wished England could just forget and carry on… he is trying his best but some of his people are still regretting his independence, sometimes even thinks about it, but no, he could never regret to be free._

_''Do not worry, in a few years you will be able to talk normally with your brother…'' Russia assures and he looks up with hopeful eyes._

_''Do you think?''_

_''I hope so…'' he could see the hesitation on the Russian but smiled all the same._

_''Me too…. Thanks Ivan…''_

_''Do not think nothing of it'' he smiled looking far away to the __prairie._

.

They all changed, the World Wars were the major factor of change, there were hard times and he knows that they all changed. America sighed, it was very hard to see his people dying again and this time because of another country… All the death is still craved in his mind as a brand that will never go away.

_Dirt, blood and dirt on the heavy ground, his boots and clothes dirty, wounded as himself and his feet hurting, around only smoke and wounded, bruised and half death corpses, the smell was sickening and the sounds of guns, swords and corporal fights were heard in distance, the worse were the screams, the pain and agony of dying corpses on the ground._

He shuddered and decided to take a coffee… It was not a good moment to think about that… But lately he is feeling nostalgic, everything is too _calm_, it looks the calm before the storm and he can't help feeling Russia is behind it. He is always behind it, being good or bad he is always there. He loathes the _man_, the _country_. It messes and crawls into his head like a disease, it's suffocating…

Damn, he still remembers the fear and pain of the cold war, the paranoid feeling and the voices…

.

**_September 1949 - Soviet Atomic Bomb: On September 22, President Truman announced that the Soviet Union had detonated its first atomic bomb._**

_''What!'' America asked his president and he confirmed again, he could only think that it was wrong, it couldn't be.. they are doomed if the commies decide to act… Shit… he needs.. he needs.. he doesn't fucking know! He hates him so much that it hurts! And now he has the power of finishing with him… it feels again like a betrayal, a sickening nausea came to Alfred; his people panicked, at least the few that understood the danger, the mutual destruction, he threw up his stomach contents in the same room he shook his hand with the Russian just a few years ago._

.

How can they think the man changed? No way, he doesn't buy it! He's not innocent, he's evil! He still wants more, he still thinks everyone will join him somehow.. He's delusional… America threw the cup to the trash and left the office. He needs rest again... this is becoming a habit, the Russian enters on his head and he needs to stop everything because some part of him agonies and he doesn't understand.. It was never like that, not at least nearly as _strong_… this started after the end of the cold war and with the space project, he truly doesn't understand.

On the end of the day he received a e-mail for a meeting. How weird, England forgot to mention the subject, at least the commie is not going; he doesn't want to see him, not after _that_ accident…

.XxXxX.

Russia was eating breakfast when his boss called him. New laws were to be implemented. He sighed, again the laws… He can't deal with laws very well, he _is_ the law, there is no need for unnecessary silly laws… Besides as a person he was never good following orders, not for his own boss, not when he was a soldier, never… He went to prison a few times because of that too… Mongolia tried, oh he tried, but not even him could submit Russia.

The worst is when he knows he needs to think and let his bosses create laws, since the beginning on the last century he feels insecure, his people can never do it right, _he_ can never create harmony, he just wants everyone to be happy and live in peace but it never lasts…

.

**_2000 - G8 conference_**

_''You need to redo this laws!'' America says tiredly. The meeting was too long, everyone was tired and this was the last subject. At least it would be quick... 'perhaps not' America thought sensing hesitation on the other._

_''That's not in my hands...'' Ivan smiles politely._

_''I know you are still suffering, but damn, its time and we all need you to made your mind and implement the law you wish to follow.''_

_''I'm doing my best!'' Russia's smile widened but hurt was on the back of his purple eyes. He ignored the emphasis that America made, is still hurt to be crushed and not being able to start again, alone._

_''I do not think so, I'm fucking help you and do not see a fucking thing!''_

_''Its not in my hands!'' 'its never' he wanted to scream but keep smiling as always._

_''If you made up your mind your people would feel it and get into harmony!''_

_''I am trying! But my people are still very divided.'' 'I am very divided!'_

_''I know you are not weak but I will help you!'' he mocked a bit with the word weak and Russia tensed further._

_''I do not wish your help! Its enough what you have done!''_

_''But I want to help-'' Alfred pleads a bit, the other countries already realised this will take long._

_''You help everyone, every single one that left me, you made sure to aid...'' Ivan adds bitterly, not sure why he phrased what he wanted like that._

_''Oh, I see... you don't trust me.'' Alfred says a bit disappointed but hides it with a hard look and lips pressed tightly._

_''I don't...'' Ivan confirms coldly making a few countries flinch._

_''Fucking awesome for you! I thought I worth better than that for you!'' Alfred yells and the other countries turn to them knowing this is no good._

_Ivan simply presses his mouth in a line with the ends curved up as always wanting to end the conversation, fortunately England decided to take charge there._

.

Why did that came to his mind? Oh yes, America… how he loathes that man. Always putting his nose where he shouldn't, always messing with _his _business... He suffered a harsh lost, of course he is still in doubt for what to believe… He can't help think that all those years can't just be a lie, can't just be a waste of time; they meant something... they... he _had_ such wonderful aspirations and dreams.. Now he is a capitalist.. a fucking _capitalist_.. and his people suffer for that. High prices and corruption, just what he needed... Russia sighed and pressed a hand on his temples. He can't sleep with the voices, he can't swallow with the lump on his throat that never goes... Oppression, he knows what it means, he knows, it made part from most of his own life, but he can't have the will to fight. Not after he fought for all his dreams, even oppressed, and it worth nothing in the end.. Yes, he feels bitter.. Yes he still claims the world would be better with him.. but they left, every single one... even his sisters... it was not his fault, he tried, he truly tried... but he collapsed.. he started collapsing… exhaustion and hunger was too much… Even himself could see how thin, exhausted and old he was getting and looking. The worst was when he swallowed his pride to beg for his people and sisters to his Boss…

_''But my sister''_

_''Forget her! You are needed here! You'll fight here!''_

_''She needs me… it's my fault sh-''_

_''I don't care Soviet Union, you have orders to obey!'' not Russia, not Soviet Russia, never Ivan… always SOVIET UNION, always cold and demanding and he walked away hurting for his little sister and knowing she will never forgive him. Outside the room he stood and kept thinking all this would be for a bigger end, for a big dream to realise, on the deep of his mind he was sure it was about to end soon._

_._

_-another memory- _

_''Please… my troops are suffering, my feet hurt for the marching, my hands feel heavy with guns and weapons… I can't even breath properly and my body needs-, I am not asking for myself.. but my troops.. I can feel them dy- ''_

_''You are pathetic! A pathetic country Russia. A weak and miserable country...'' his boss, Stalin, sighed ''No wonder they all want to go away!'' Russia stared in disbelief._

_''Please, don't say that, I'm doing my best! My people are fighting, even our children and women are fighting!''_

_''And you still whine and beg…''_

_''They are dying of starvation and exhaustion, my satellite countries the same…'' his chest hurt too much, his eyes stung but he couldn't even care for himself at the time, but his 'boss' never wanted to hear, never understood, never failed to made them work more._

_''I see, you still think you need to worry for them''_

_''But-''_

_''They are fighting while you are here whining. This shows how childish and weak you are Soviet Union... now leave and fight. I have work to do, the chemical weaponry research is showing its benefits, soon we will have the lethal chemicals'' _

_''… Yes Sir…'' At that moment he could feel more people dying and troops invading but he kept walking side to side with his own soldiers, no matter how many tears were on his face at that moment and how many stares he was receiving. 'Weak Soviet Union', he found himself agreeing silently._

.

He hated, he hated it but can't forget that he has part of the fault… He could try harder… he could try to stay more nights awake, he should inject [1] more, that would help and reduce the starving, allow him to fight for more hours… it would help right!

Who is he trying to fool? He did the best he could.. it was not enough, never enough.. and now he is alone.. so alone… He should call India, he his nice and friendly... busy but his friend.

Russia looked to the bottle of vodka but sighed and shook his head, tonight he will go to a bar and fuck some hooker… that will be enough for today, then he will drink more.. it sounds good enough.

.

In the middle of morning he saw a e-mail sent in the night for a meeting, how strange, it doesn't have a propose or subject and America is not going…

America.. Since that tedious accident he had been strangely needy... It's his fault, always his fault! It's disgusting how he felt, how he still thinks about it… shameful; there's nothing good about men, they are pigs, sweaty and violent pigs… He flinched to some memories that wanted to come to live but he shook them in time.. It's no time to this.. he has laws to make...

.XxXxX.

Canada looked to France; a slight frown and wrinkles showing on his eyes, he looks a bit old and tired when loosing sleep, but still holds that young and fresh feeling around him. France sipped idly a glass of wine and wrote a few things, notes for the meeting; he made sure to have a trail of events and is trying to predict what will happen, England did the same, its interesting how their methods are the same and yet they keep telling that their own is the best.

France looked up and gave him a little smile while placing the pen on the table.

''What's wrong cher?''

So many things were wrong, where to start? Canada wanted to go hide under the covers, that sounded good.. He was missing kuma too, he left him on his house, a mistake that he now regrets.

He wondered what to ask first, he had so many questions, how was the therapy? Are you in a relationship with England? Do you think America will understand? Will Russia hit us violently?

He bit his lip and frowned, France only waited patiently, a thing he learned over the years; England also can do it, even Italy is good at it when he wants to be serious…

He sighed and shifted walking to the chair near France and sat; France placed a hand on his and made his expression slight vacant, he knows France is reading him, he doesn't brings himself to care..

''Cher.. I know many things are on your mind but choose one, we can get to the others with time, oui?'' He says chuckling and Canada nods.

''Are you with England?'' he tries the easiest one first but France's expression turns to something non-natural on that face, he turns wary and considerate of his words, face hard and eyes hesitant.

''Non, we could never.. you understand that Mattieu…'' they always think he does, he doesn't and it makes him slightly angered.

''No, I don't.. why?'' he can't say he does, he never understood why they were always so much difficult than the other countries.

''There is a time to love, a time to hate and a time to keep distance, we need distance right now…'' France gulps his wine and Canada knows he is not sure of what he is saying, the bobbing on his throat speaks for him; Canada decided to leave it there, for now.

''And Germany?''

''Ah, you know I do not wish him like that oui? Is a mere political relationship''

''I know..'' 'but England doesn't' he thinks but decided to keep quiet. Canada shift and knows he will enter in turbulent waters and braces himself for it ''What did the therapist say?''

''Nothing, she understands… '' His eyes look harsh and Canada sighs again, he's hiding...

Nations hide, France hides must that some, England does the same, mostly with each other, that's why they can never be in peace… Best friends and yet the worse enemies.. a perfect rivalry that Canada once thought it would end but no. That is always crawling inside them, all the possible emotions, all the possible things humans could never understand, all the history that marks and scars that are always present on the deep of their minds.

Canada nods, he understands the difficulty of needing and wanting but can't totally have or admit to need, it's a curse nations bore, its something so much deep in stubborn nations and rivals. Canada is from the New world, he knows he is not made from the same wood but sometimes he wished he was just to understand.

''Francis… you look lonely…'' Canada explains softly; indeed he looks, he feels, he can see it clearly. England is always pairing up with America and he forced to pair up with the one that once hurt him so much that he needs therapy when a Nation should heal in five years, no, France was devastated and still feels it on his core. France simply chuckles and Canada looks up to him tentatively.

''We are all lonely cher'' he says and is on times like this that Canada wished to be on the same room as him when he talks to the therapist, they all talk because they are all forced to do it needing or not, but he knows France hides... they all hide something and Canada suspects France hides much more than he leads to believe.

.XxXxX.

England waited for America to pick up the phone, he is always fairly quick but today is the second time he calls and nothing, the brat…

''England?'' a cheerful voice asks.

''Yes git! I've call you before...''

''Yeah, sorry I was on the game store and bough this awesome movie-''

''I don't care, I'm here to know if you will come to the meeting'' he interrupts annoyed, it had to be something like that.

''Sure thing, but hey what is it about? My boss said he didn't know…'' England can feel the suspicion but decided to trail.

''Its only for nations and about nations, try to be on time this once Alfred.''

''Kay, geez! It was only twice… '' he murmurs and England smirks.

''This year, and that is more than enough.''

''You're old, you don't understand dude! I had this huge business-'' America whines, no he tries to proclaim but fails…

'' is not a huge business, now I have to go…'' England sighs, he has work to do.

''Hey, is true that Germany and France are not involved after all?''America says and England frowns, how that is known all over the world by now? Technology….

''Yes, they are only involved politically like us….'' England says annoyed for the assumption and knowing that America stopped talking to France when he heard the rumours, well not stopped but reduce the talk to a minimum... that was almost stopping for someone like America.

''Oh... hum... Arthur, I wanted to ask you _something._''

''What?'' England frowns, he knows that tone, he needs to know something that is probably important for him.

''Russia's name was not on the email, he is not going?'' He almost whispers the nation's name but the rest is normally said and England rolls his eyes.

''It was not there wasn't it?'' He avoids lying to him and sighs.

''Oh good! Okay bye'' he sounds relieved and clicks the phone shut.

''OI! He- don't hang up like this git!'' He yelled to the beeping phone, that brat! Why are his wards the bad ones, why can't he have good wards like Canada or Seychelles? Not fair, he so much better that France at being a big brother!

He sighed and walked away, this will be a long day and in the late hours he will have to Skype France to talk some conclusions about the meeting they will have in a few days… France… that idiot is trying not to show how concerned and scared he is but England knows best, he always _knows_ and he knew he would come to him again, he always comes back… he can't even wonder why but a little part of him his glad for it.

* * *

><p><strong>After Notes<strong>:

[1] You can see this was mostly the wars, when it speaks in injecting it means injecting Heroin, Heroin was used by Russian soldiers for many means, allow them to starve, give them stamina and keep them focus on the war, many would just use to forget where they were and the poor conditions. Of course there were many reasons but my personal headcanon is that Russia, because of the many troops and citizens injecting, start doing it as well as smoking, he barely slept because of his troop's movements and his own mind collapsing.


	5. Chapter 5

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, slight smut and some colourful language among other offensive things.

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a movie..._

**Notes:**

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

This will have present and past history facts. History contexts are based on real events but the stories are fictional.

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p><strong><em>2001 (close relations between Russia and China were formalized)<em>**

_''We have been through a lot Russia.'' China smirks to Russia who sat crossed legged on his own chair._

_''Of course, but now we must forget it, this is good for both of us.'' He trailed drinking a glass of Vodka, china decided to keep for tea._

_''America won't be glad…'' China chuckled and Russia frowned._

_''I know is more wood to place on fire, but I am very serious in wanting this to work. We may have a rough past together but you are still the only one around me that I can trust minimally.'' He nodded to himself._

_''Are you sure this isn't about America?'' China placed his cup of tea and bended forward making Russia narrow his eyes in suspicion._

_''Should it be?''_

_''Everything is about him with you.'' China saw the quiver on purple and sat back amused._

_''I don't know what you are suggesting.'' Russia kept his gaze evenly blank, but China already knows this trick; he does it and is sure Russia stole it from him._

_''I am not implying or suggesting anything, it just seams that all your misery and even glee gravitates around the same person and this treated can have that as a hidden motive too…''_

_''Ah, you think I care about the pig, you are being very wrong dear Yao.'' He sipped his vodka leaving a finalization tone and threat between the lines, China sighed. He was merely trying to open Russia's eyes, he his still blinded, this time not for hate but fake loathing… China wants him good, every nation wishes good for the others when in peace and China learnt with time that hate leads only to destruction._

**_._**

**_2003_**

_China was visiting Russia this time, the Journal was on the Russian hands while China re-wrote a few sentences from the meeting they finished a while ago. The Russian was politely waiting for China, but the way the Russian cringed his nose distracted him from his writing._

_''Is something wrong Ivan?'' China asked looking at the paper with interest but not understanding most of the news._

_''The legal age of sexual consent changed to 16, regardless of sexual orientation.'' He quoted placing the newspaper on the table. China merely looked at him, he still had problems with that? How long will he keep this as a problem?_

_China sighed and placed the pen on the table, he usually stays out of this but this is something he needs to say._

_''You still have problems with that?'' he stated more than asked and the Russian looked up._

_''Of course, it's not natural, why make laws consenting it?'' He asked._

_''Ivan, I was there on that time and I know what happened to you when you were barely 8 in human years.'' He said softly and could see the clenching of teeth and the shame on purple eyes but continued, ''I was 18 at the time, you were not the only one, is more than time to get in terms with yourself and with what you were forced to do-''_

_'_'ZATNIS_!'' 'Shut up' he growled making the Chinese flinch, ''you know nothing and I do not wish to talk about this.'' He said standing._

_''I don't know how you hate him so much and were able of maintain close relations during the cold war with him… I do know it was just political but did you ever felt threatened? Or did you just shake his hand when your nation saved him from his debt as if he was your friend?'' China raised his voice and again the quiver of purple eyes was enough to tell that yes, not his nation but his human side feared, his human side wanted to kill him and was incredibly uncomfortable for doing such things. Russia glared at him, always keeping his smile that was almost as strained as it was when they had to fight against each other, ''Its merely political, he's a paw on my chess game and I have sacrifices to make, do try please to keep your nose away from my nation duties China.'' He mocked his name and started walking away._

_''It's not only that isn't it?'' Ivan merely glared at China as if thinking something; China saw the hesitation and tried again._

_''Ivan, be reasonable and just listen to me this once.'' China stood and he shook his head. ''I will be waiting outside…''._

_Russia__ left the door and China sat on the chair with a hand on his temples. Mongolia had to choose the stubborn Russia to be his favourite, of course the bastard does everything just to keep them miserable even so many centuries after… Yes he changed, and yes, he came to terms with all the carnage and violence provoked by said nation but Russia suppressed them as weaknesses that need to be hidden and neglected. Besides the Russian can not fool the ancient man, he saw too much and he knows that hesitation._

.XxXxX.

Meeting day was here, France, England, Canada, Netherlands and Belgium were already on the meeting room for the meeting. This time on Germany, and said country representation was talking with Italy on the front door, receiving the other nations. He had work hard to make it ready on time and make Prussia not enter on the meeting but only God knows if he will appear. Not all the countries they invited were able to meet; South Italy, Hungary, Norway, Portugal, Iceland and Switzerland, were not able to present themselves on the meeting and they were waiting for Spain, China, Sweden, Finland, Russia and America, the last two being the major problem.

France was a nervous wreck, he was fondling his sleeves and glaring to the door, England was a bit more controlled but the look on his eyes showed that he was worried about who would get first. Belgium was pacing around and talking with the countries politely.

She walked to France and England, who were engaged in polite talk until the last meeting came to the fore.

''It was something more, they fought corporal, they rarely do that…'' France nodded.

''Yes, they prefer to keep it for subtle and nerve wreaking things…'' England murmured and France turned to him thoughtful.

''We fought with each other, we hurt physically, they haven't… they simply made mind games, it's very exhausting and dangerous on his own accord. Would it be more dangerous though?''

''I simply don't understand this, how can they miss attraction and those obvious body reactions?'' Belgium frowns stepping into the talk.

''They were to caught in their self loathing and hate for each other to notice things like their own body reactions. Probably they haven't even look at each other properly at the time. It happens, but now they don't hate each other, it changes things completely.'' France shrugs knowing too well what he is saying.

''Yes but, they were just fighting for some years, they were friends before and, I think we all know they were close, something must have happened…'' she reasons.

''Perhaps but believe me, I never felt lust when in war with _Angleterre_.. I only wanted to kill him, and they are young, they are only infants… ''

''If I recall this correctly, you said Russia was very naïve and avoidance of the subject, America was simply a kid, well, not a kid but naïve and young.'' England frowns not enjoying that they think Russia corrupted his ward.

''Let's keep this between us, I am sure that the problem here is not that…'' France mused and England nodded.

''For once the frog is right, the problem here is that they can't separate their views from their country and they are showing that in rather displeasing ways…''

.

England was about to ask Canada for America when two people entered on the room.

Russia entered in the room with a slightly confused China talking politely. They were both dressed formally while the few present were more casual, Russia eyed them with suspicious and china murmured something to him making him relax. The only ones not knowing what it was about were Russia and America, for a good reason. China was the one responsible for restraining Russia, he was not pleased.

They kept talking among themselves and Belgium whispered quickly to France.

''How did they never notice _that_, it's hard not to feel it when the bodies are so close in a fight…'' France looked at her and nodded understanding the question, it was very visible when they stood actually, and a tent is not that easy to hide in tight suit pants.

''They do not fight physically, it's rare… they only did it a few times in the actual cold war…'' he whispered back, at that time, it was loathing and hate, nothing more. Wars can destroy ones mind. When they finish, and things calm down, a nation returns to his proper state of mind. She nodded and started talking about fashion with France.

.

''_Anglya_ I believe is polite to inform when we should present ourselves more casually; me and friend Yao are dressed for a formal meeting…'' he stated hiding a bit on his scarf not liking to be ridiculed in any form or looking too different from the others.

China nodded looking at his suit ''Yes, I have to agree, I'm wearing very large shoes for this meeting'' France chuckled and winked.

''But they look good on you _cher_, do not worry, its okay, it was our fault''

Russia walked away and China frowned to them.

''I do not think this is good idea, they are very immature.''

''We have to make them see and please, we need your help'' France sighs.

''China, we wouldn't ask you to come if it was not needed, you saw and you know there's only one amount of mental pain a nation can hold until the two sides collapse or one take over…'' England whispers.

China sighs and nods gazing Russia who was talking with a frightened Italy and an uncomfortable Germany.

''Okay but I'm not holding them when they decide to throw chairs around.., '' he walked to Russia to keep him entertained for a while.

When Spain entered on the room five minutes after the meeting had started, America was nowhere to be seen and England grew impatient. France also looked restless.

''We can start yes?'' Russia supplies cheerfully sitting on his seat between China and Sweden.

''Uh… yes but we need to wait a few more seconds…'' England murmurs and Germany stares at him with a look of 'I've told you so' but he decided to ignore it.

''But we are all here and I think we all want to get this ready quickly, besides I do not even know what is this about…'' Russia frowns slightly and glows to them.

''We will wait fo-''

At the same time America entered on the room and yelled ''I'm here! I'm so sooo sorry, It was the traffic, I swear. This city is….'' He glanced around and stared at Russia who was frowning to him, ''What is he doing here?'' Russia stands and glows even more, smile wide and harsh cold purple eyes glaring back.

''We are all here now, let's start'' England coughs and Germany nods

Russia sits suspicious and glaring at everyone and, almost in front of him, America sits, still slightly flushed, and glaring back.

The others trade looks and Sweden, China plus the two countries around America, England and Canada look divided between run away or hold them.

Russia couldn't feel more suspicious, he feels it around him; he sees it on the way France is tense, on the way Italy looks away and on the way China keeps him around when usually he stays away. The American entered on the room; he froze and stood to the yell he received, what was happening here? He didn't want to see America, he's been trying so hard not to think about him and here he is, flushed and glaring with his blue wide eyes, the fucking cowlick defying gravity and screaming for being yanked; it would be fun just to rip that thing from his golden hair… He sighs through his nose, he is not liking this and America is also dressed formally, it seems only three didn't know, he, America and China, the 'outsiders' the ones that doesn't belong on the Europe. Is this a mutiny against them? No… they are too strong for them, especially- wait... There's Canada… this doesn't makes sense… he shifted and glared at Germany.

America was suspicious, why was he one of the few dressed formally and why the hell is Russia there, the mail didn't say his name, if it did he would not be here of course, he's been trying to avoid everything about that man, that man must be one of _them, he knows_! He glared hard but when the other looked away he looked at the suit he was wearing, a blue suit, it is rare for him to wear colours, he normally uses dark colours, this suit almost looks-. NO… it's not the time to think about it... He sighed and sipped on a coke he brought to the meeting, Germany was talking but he was not listening, the meeting was about to start and he still doesn't know why they were called.

.

''We are all here, the topic today is different. We will talk about something delicate and I want to let clear that this is a civilized discussion understood?'' Germany states formally and they all nod.

''Pray to tell what is the topic.''Russia rushes and they all share concerned looks.

''Firstly our nations personas and human selves. The second, and last topic, is same-sex rights.'' France tells softly and Russia tenses further. America sits straight and stiffly on his chair.

''What brought that?''America glares at Germany.

''They are important topics that demand to be discussed neutrally. We will share views and nothing more.''

''We do this a few times with some countries and this benefits and-'' England continues but is interrupted by America standing and Russia speaking a bit more loud than normally to catch attention.

''Ah, it was you who put silly ideas on my sister mind, yes?''

America frowns and keeps standing; Russia glances at him but makes sure to keep staring at England who speaks.

''It's a important topic to discuss, we will only trade ideas as people and then as nations, we do not force anyone to stay or even share our views.'' England sighs, placing one hand on America making him sit but he refuses.

''Don't want to talk about that, you are all sinners, even caught my bro and I refuse to listen to you.'' he glared at Netherlands who kept looking passively to him.

''For once I must agree, I am leaving'' Russia stood and China held him.

''No, you can't go, you are going to listen and share you ideals!''

''China, my views are very clear, I do not care about what you do or think but I won't listen about such meaningless and disgusting subject.''

''And what is has of disgusting?'' Canada yells and for once is heard.

''Its not natural, its forced and painful, is not in human nature to allow such things.'' Russia nods to himself and America also nods agreeing with him.

''I think you are only focussing on the act. We are talking about two people of the same-sex sharing love.'' Belgium states and France bits his lip worried.

''No, he's right it's a sin and against nature. Besides, God doesn't allow such thing.'' America unusually quietly says and England shakes his head.

''What is so wrong about to love someone equal in gender?''

''It's an illusion, it's not real love!'' America yells again frustrated.

''We are getting out of focus, could we speak this like civilized people and everyone get a chance to speak?'' France asks.

''It's not the only theme of this meeting.'' Germany states.

''I'm leaving'' America states and Russia also starts walking away.

''STOP IMEDIATELY!'' Germany yells and they look at him.

''We are going to talk about this wherever you want or not, your Bosses were informed and if you do not agree we have permission to call your personal therapists and make them talk to you'' Russia smirks and he continues ''Every single therapist, even if new will talk to you about this!'', he frowned and Germany smirked, he knows Russia is well known for making therapists run away or stay for a short amount of time.

They all sat down and Spain, Italy and Netherlands were very quiet looking at them. America sat loudly, dragging the chair and hitting the table with his fists as Russia sat quietly with an unsettling smile.

''Good. England you may start, we will change the orders of the themes. It seems those two are rather eager.' 'Germany stated receiving similar hateful glares.

''Well, we know you are against and you showed a few reasons now you have to listen to us too, there's not a single place where its forbidden for a person to be with another of the same-sex and repressed lust and feelings are cruel to a nation mind, we need to keep with evolution and understand our people.'' he trailed a bit receiving a dirty glare from Russia who seamed about to take his pipe and kill him right there.

''My comrade Iran would think differently'' Russia smirks and they decide to ignore him, they all know the heavy death they have in Iran just for thinking about it.

''What he means is that attraction doesn't choose gender and we need all to understand that with the few woman who exist its normal to feel and accept that. Even human have realised that love comes in different forms and shapes.'' France flinched a bit at the look America sent him and didn't even look at Russia.

''Are you done?'' America asks.

They all frowned and England nods ''yes, for now…''

''Good, I'm leaving!'' He stands and Italy calls him ''America?''

''Yeah?''

''God doesn't mind, he only looks at the act of making love badly, not loving someone of the same gender, I also had difficulty but now I can think independently from my people and understand that.''

''I… I am not attracted by… I don't even… the hell? You think I'm a queer?'' he yells in disbelief.

''No, but I know how your roots are strong'' Italy replied and America for once looked tentative on the subject.

Russia sighed and stood ''I'm wasting my time yes? I will leave…'' he stated softly, China grabbed him and he frowned keeping his wide smile.

''No, I been wanting to talk to you for a long time, aru''

Russia blinked, once, twice ''Why?''

''I know what you think and how you think, you wear scars for centuries but you must open your mind, its evolution _Ivan_.''

''Ah, I am very open-minded yes? I achieved space first'' he glanced at America who scoffed, ''I have nuclear power, lethal weapons, I achieved survival and kept up with the Europe and Asia. I do not see why you say that.''

''Why can't you even think about it, why can't you even give a chance to listen, you ignored all the things were said, I saw you wandering on your mind Russia!''

Russia blinked and smiled widely making China step back ''I do not see why that concerns you _China_, its disgusting, painful and wrong, no one should do _that_! Besides love is an unreal achievement for Nations, I do not understand why you keep insisting in such silly subject.'' he spat to him and glared, hands making fists, contrasting with the sweet way he smiled.

All the countries froze in place and Sweden grabbed his arms for precaution, Russia didn't flinch, Netherlands and Belgium started whispering and China narrows his eyes.

''Ivan, we have already talked about this, can you just listen?'' China pleaded a bit.

''I have listened enough and now I am leaving.'' he shrugged the arms and walked away.

''Ivan you can't isolate from evolution because of him!'' China talked in a loud tone and he looked back hissing and whispering.

''You know nothing, you were a teen I was a child!'' with that he walked away and left them on the room staring at the door.

Most of them stared confused and France murmured sadly ''This shouldn't be like this…''.

''I am sorry, I was the one bringing that out but I believe is the major concern with Russia, when people talk about same gender rights he can only see the act and the brutality in it…'' China sighs and sits a bit exhausted; he's too old for this young people…

''He needs time'' Finland says and Sweden nods sitting again.

''Just great... Now he will hit us…'' England frowns and Spain shakes his head.

'Of course he walked out, he's a closed bastard ''Netherlands stated and Canada glared at him.

America was still looking at the door standing confused and Italy walked to him

''Will you at least stay and listen to us?''

''What? Oh no, I was just thinking how useless this is… '' He grinned and England hit his head.

''Don't say that, you can't separate your nation from yourself lad and we only want to help!''

''Back off England. I've said I won't become like you guys…'' He frowned to them and France glared at him.

''And what do we are America?'' he said in perfect English.

''FAGS! Europe is filled with sin! And now you took Canada with you!'' he spat with anger.

''You are ignorant America, you do not understand what you are saying!''

''Of course I understand, you are a disease expanding through Europe.''

''AmericaI won't let you talk like that! You are my colony and I won't let you be an arrogant insensible bastard!'' England raised himself to glare at America,

America scoffed to them and laughed an edged laugh pointing to England.

''You are lean like a woman and you have the face of a woman!'' he proceed to point to France who frowned.

''I have stubble, a manly one!'' he said proudly.

''Yeah yeah, take that bear off and wear a dress and every one will say that you are a woman! That's why you two are together! You have problems can't you see?'' He trailed and clearly tried to defend himself by attacking them as always.

''Lad I'm going to hit you!''

''No you won't! I'm not your colony anymore! I couldn't care less that you are a _queer_!'' America yelled the last word in disgust.

''It's that how you see us _cher_?'' France asked tired and sadly.

''Yeah! And I bet you enjoyed when Germany-'' America started but stopped himself, what was he doing and saying? Damn… fuck… what's happening with him!

Germany flinched and placed a hand on his guilty face. England looked stunned and Canada started to hide his face on Netherlands shoulder, the last one simply shook his head.

''I feel very bad for you, you must be in great pain.'' with that France left the room not looking back once.

America clenched his teeth not understanding why he almost said that, why was he acting so… so bad… damn all these people wanting him to hate but he didn't want. Why is it worse again?

''Look what you have done!'' England sighed and rubbed his temples.

''What!'' He asked more angered at himself than the others.

''He is still seeing a therapist for that you git! You don't have any sensibility?'' He yelled and Germany looked down feeling Italy placing a hand on his back in comfort.

''You never taught me that.'' he spit.

''You.. you.. '' England started walking away angered and closed the door with a loud bang trying to calm himself and not give a punishment to America. He truly deserves a few slaps and punches.

''I'm leaving…''America stated with a guilty face, leaving the room, and the others sighed.

''I knew this would be like this.'' Germany rubbed his temples.

''It could be worse. I think America listened a bit, perhaps if we give him time…'' Belgium smiled a bit and China sighed.

''And Russia?''

''Talk to him…''

''Why me?''

''You are close…''

''That doesn't mean he will listen to me…''

''Please, he is hurting… '' Italy stepped to them and they looked back confused.

''Italy?'' Germany asked.

''Didn't you see his eyes? I saw that look before; it was the same look he had on the beginning of the century… I remember it very well, Romano was deeply afraid…''

''I haven't noticed…'' China admitted.

''Can you talk to Ukraine?'' Canada asked China.

''She is not a big help on this… ''

''Why?'' he frowned.

''She doesn't know everything…''

''Everything?'' Canada asked but went unnoticed.

''Who knows?'' Netherland asked curiously.

''Only me, Mongolia and Kazakhstan… ''

''Why?'' Belgium asks curious.

''This is something you don't need to know. I am leaving, with luck I will catch a plane soon.'' he said leaving a few suspicious countries behind.

.XxXxX.

England drove to the place he knew France would be. A small cottage in the border of his own country, there no one will bother him for political reasons.

He sighed and walked to the house, has predicted he was there, lights were turned on and the yard was well took care with a few vegetables almost ready to pick. He rang the door and France opened it not even checking who it was, he already knew.

France was talking on the hone in quick French and England closed the door softly walking inside.

'_'Yes, I need to talk to you soon, tomorrow or so please. I've said this once is not him… no, no_ _I am fine, please Sandra, and tell her I am fine okay? Good. See you tomorrow, bye.'' _he closed the phone and sat on the love seat. His eyes were hard and slightly red, his nose was also red and England knew he had cried. Dramatic Git.

''How are you feeling?'' he said tentatively and France snorted.

''How do you think? I would think you raised America a little bit better, _non_?''

''He… '' He sat on his side and rubbed his temple '' he doesn't know what he says, forgive him.''

''He called me and asked forgiveness… I am sure he is guilty but that was too much…'' He sighed and placed his head on England's shoulders, The said Brit closed the distance letting his own fall on the French head.

''He's so mean _Angleterre_… he-, he knows were to prod to make it hurt…''

''Shooo, its fine now love… its fine…'' he caressed his hair sighing.

''Will you stay today?'' France asked in a tiny voice.

''I have nothing better to do…'' he snorted acting as if he didn't mind and France chuckled.

* * *

><p><strong>After Notes<strong>:

I'm not entirely satisfied with this but I wanted to keep them in character and difficult.

I also want to add that there will not be RuChu, it's merely a friendship, and this scene happens to show a bit of Russia.

Next: reactions to the meeting. Will America stop being an ass? just keep reading.


	6. Chapter 6

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, slight smut and some colourful language among other offensive things.

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a movie..._

**Notes:**

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

This will have present and past history facts. History contexts are based on real events but the stories are fictional.

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p><strong>1878 - Former President Ulysses Grant Visits Russia<strong>

_America__ was exited. His former president, big man with an even more glorious brown bear, invited him to go to Russia with him and he couldn't refuse. The young nation really wanted to visit the vast land he heard about so many times from Russia's lips and see it with his own eyes. _

_When he first stepped on the ground he couldn't hide the awe in blue clean eyes. He doesn't enjoy the cold but the vast white in front of him was indeed beautiful and pure. It reminded Russia and was extremely fitting somehow. _

_Every inch of flesh of the American body was anxious and slightly flustered; he craved to see his Russian friend, who has not being reachable for a while. He hoped with heart that the feeling was mutual. _

_When they finally reached destination, days later, he was still surprised and exited about everything and even more nervous._

_His president was well dressed. The End of the Victorian Era they said. France was already dressing in other costumes and even England could be seen in different styled suits. For this encounter he was obliged to wear nice looking clothes for the formal ball the Russian Imperator was giving._

_He greatly disliked his tartan slacks and jersey, though, they were rivalling the loathing he felt for the black formal heavy shoes. The blue and white tie with the black coat suited him well enough. He could say he looked handsome enough to present himself. The little problem was that his ex-president insisted that he should wear an ugly hat. He really dislikes all this preparations so he skipped the hat and decided he could deal with the little annoyance of being stared at. He hoped the Imperator didn't thought he was being offensive._

_._

_The ball room was huge, browns, reds and white walls decorating and turning the environment more intimate than what it truly was. He looked around to see beautiful women with big swaying dresses and corsets showing her waists more petite than they really were making the well dressed man look at their voluptuous breasts. America chuckled a bit at that. It seems men and women are the same everywhere, at least in courting methods. He also couldn't deny that Russian women were very easy to look at. Most men wore great beards and he wondered if Russia subscribed to such fashion, he hoped so; it would be a funny sight to see._

_He talked politely with his president who said to him to have a bit of fun and he started wandering around the ball room. The well placed lights making him take notice the different styles; he could see some French and even some eastern influences on the decorating flowers, curtains and tapestry. He smiled when he saw a single sunflower on the table. _

_America walked around feeling a bit lost, he talked a bit with the few people who knew English and talked a bit French, and it seamed some knew it more fluently but it were simply enough to make a handful of people and men… America was not amused by it and decided to search for Russia himself. _

_After a bit of search, a stop to eat, gulp wine and a little stop to try to understand what a young woman was trying to tell him he finally saw Russia. _

_His mouth went dry and his heart pounded in nervous excitement that could be similar of the one of a young boy on his first day of school. America didn't realise that he breath hitched and he was staring until someone bumped into him._

_Russia__ was beautifully dressed looking graceful and handsome. America took time to stare at his clothing as the Russian engaged in polite talk with a few older men. _

_Russia__ wore dark blue pants and a dark blue jacket with blue shiny buttons accentuating his chest and attenuating the little bump of belly that America had to remember himself he had. The suit suited him letting everyone know he was just as strong as slim and allowing his menacing side to be hidden in graceful moves. The jacket fell on his waist covering his tights and the crème coloured scarf was neatly around his neck. His light skin was brought to life with the dark clothing and lightly yellowish lights around the room. The next thing America notice was that as himself Russia didn't wear a hat. He found himself shaking slightly at that._

_America__ walked to him and grinned enjoying how the Russian eyes gazed him over before making an appreciative sentence. ''You look very handsome Alfred.'' _

_America__ found himself blushing a bit at that. ''You are also looking dashing Ivan.'' _

_The Russian laughed making America feel strangely flustered as he looked into purple shinning eyes. Briefly he wondered why he felt like that but the little smile Russia gave made him forget any thought._

_After a small talk and polite questions about the Russian 'little spat' with the Ottoman Empire they decided to walk near the table._

_Two young ladies came to them talking in Russian and blushing furiously and Russia chuckled and told Alfred to dance as went to dance with the other and America grinned taking the pretty girl hand. Truth may be told, he simply nodded when she talked but he had fun. On the corner of his eye he saw Russia looking at him._

_On the end of the night the ladies were away and only men discussing politics and economy were left. Russia and America engaged in their own talk while listening to the slow background music of the already tired musicians. _

_America was getting a bit bored and joked saying he preferred to dance than to join the old man talking politics and Russia stood and offered his hand asking him to dance. America accepted with a bit of hesitation; he knew the offer was innocent and he took it like that too but the men could look and think something else. As he looked around and saw those men distracted he stood, heart pounding, and noticed that his head ended on the beginning of the Russian jaw. How annoying but oddly reassuring that he won't be seen blushing as a woman. He still maintains the promise of grow taller than the Russian though. _

_As the music continued to play slowly Russia grabbed his waist and pulled him closer and America snuggled a bit on the older chest moving his own under the Russian arms to place his own arms around the other waist. He didn't want to look a woman here, he was very manly, and even if his heart started beating so fast that it was the only sound he could hear he tried to maintain his dignity._

_They moved slowly, America with attention not to step on the other and Russia placing his face on his head. America could feel the breath on his hair and hold the Russian waist a bit more tightly, a huge contrast to the loose hold of the Russian on his own waist._

_The sway of their moves was calming and he found that he wanted to be like this with that man again. He always makes him feel at ease like this._

_When the music ended, with the musicians playing twice more than needed due the young pair dancing and the men frowning around them, they parted with a wave. America took notice of how red the Russian face looked but blamed it on the too hot room. He never noticed though he was staring to the man departed until his ex-president told him to go to their quarters._

_._

**Flashback Notes:** This year was also the end of the Russo-Turkish disputes.

As you can see it was also the Imperial Russia era.

www . retroscopefashions images/mens/CT00016 . jpg

Its Russia's coat, take the spaces to see it. I love this coat!

* * *

><p>.<p>

Russia was annoyed and with a headache. Headaches are frequent again and with insomnia as a little party friend he can't have a minute of decent rest.

He can't feel that European countries are trying something and he can't put a finger on what is that... Truth all that sex rights talk may be a hint but he refuses to think on that, it's enough all the screaming on his head about _that_. He already denied and dealt with those strange thoughts on the beginning of the last century and won't take time to think about those unnecessary things again.

Now, they implied that he can't differentiate his own personal side from his country side; he truly thinks they are wrong. Yes, before he may have left his nation side slip and take control but he is in control again yes? He is very sure that he is doing a good job at it too.

He shifted angered, they made him lose his precious time for nothing and America was there. Not that he was bothered because he knows why that accident happened, yes, it was the rush of the fight. His country was always a fighter and enjoyed that so he can simply forget easily the incident. But_… No! That won't happen again!_

**_Beginning of the 1900's_**

_China__ sat with a cringe of his nose as he talked politely with Russia. _

_His dear 'brothers' were on his home destroying a few things so he decided to run for a couple of days. Japan was acting strangely and isolating himself so he paid a visit to Russia. It was summer after all._

_''You are too attached to your brothers.'' Russia smiles amused by all the locomotion the Chinese told him. He would not allow such thing but understands a bit the Chinese situation._

_''They are family. A nation as old as me starts to understand that family is the most important thing in the world.'' Perhaps money helps a lot but he won't get to that, they are not here as countries but as friends._

_''They betray us like any other.'' Russia frowned a bit but kept smiling somewhat calmly._

_''Friends do it faster Ivan…'' China warned._

_''Where are you trying to get to?''_

_''America.'' China replied knowing the Russia hates when people roll around what they want to say and indulging him._

_''Ah, again…'' Russia looked thoughtful and China knew he was choosing carefully his words._

_''I've told you that I don't underestimate him, he his quickly growing and can become a great threat for all of us.'' He gave a little smirk. The young nation was indeed interesting and strong. Smarter than people gave him credit to be._

_''But that's not the reason you are attached to him.'' China bit back reading the confusion on his face. He still doesn't understand how the man can be so naïve about himself; perhaps is because the nation side is clearly very dominant._

_''He is being my friend but I'm not too attached.''_

_''Yes you are. I know you long enough to know that light of eyes.'' He saw the tensing on the Russian, he may be realising it slowly. _

_''I don't know what you mean with that. I also become happy to see you, we are friends yes?'' a threatening hint was underneath the too sweet to be real smile and China nodded disappointed. No, he's still on the dark he's just wary and suspicious as ever._

_''Yes but with him is different is it not? He's young, lively and as a new world child he brings light, you said so yourself.''_

_''I meant it as a good man! He has a great heart only that.'' The smile was so wide and sick that China started to worry if he pushed too far and trying his luck._

_''Yes and you always fall for the great hearts.''_

_''China.'' He warned and China backed away seeing the darkening on purple orbs as the room felt winter chill on summer._

_-A week later.-_

_A nation doesn't have lovers but most engage in the pleasures of sin. Russia is no exception. Summer warmth brings a bit of joy and he decided to succumb once to the pleasures of flesh. _

_A beautiful woman, pure Russian blood, working on the streets for money to survive was his choice. She was kind, warm and had the most dashing smile. _

_The act is always quick. No attachments and the ease that she took him to her room made him even shyer about the act he was doing. No matter how many times he does it it's always with hesitation and embarrassment. _

_She was warm and he was feeling hot, so unnaturally hot that he wondered if that's how warm nations feel. He rutted against her automatically as he wondered on his head if that's how America feels all the time. How would be to touch such warm skin? To kiss it and leave marks? Would they melt together creating warmth between them or would it explode passionately into something much different?_

_He made the mistake of closing his eyes and imagine him as he was getting closer and closer, quicker than normally and came with a half whisper 'Alf-'._

_His eyes shot open and his mouth gaped as he came spasming and spilling his seed on the willing woman. _

_He retrieved back from the woman in surprise not even bothering to see if she was done. What did he say?_

_''Don't worry dear, many man like to call other woman's name.'' he heard her say but started shaking ashamed and in fear._

_His friend, friend! A male friend…. Oh God! Was China right? No! No! Can't be!_

_He ran away from that place and ignored any message; knock on the door and even work. Russia won't be like that! He despises that kind of people! Cruel and disgusting people like that rot in Hell._

_His head pounded, heart broke and tears ran from his eyes as he hid his face in desperation on his scarf._

_._

_No, Never more!_ He suffered enough on that time. He had to close himself from America and take care of thoughts that started becoming livid and needy on his head but he _healed_ and he won't even ponder about such thing again.

He will focus on important things.

Because of that little 'joke' he has work delayed… At least it will keep him busy for now.

.xxxxx.

America was feeling guilty, truly guilty. He even made the promise of not eating any burger until France and Canada forgive him… Damn, he misses burgers, _so tasty with cheese and the fried potatoes and the delicious ketchup… _fuck… he should have promise something else…

He doesn't know why he is acting like this really. They were impulsive actions that he doesn't understand. He is being hypocrite.

The 1970's were totally crazy and he even tried some things so he shouldn't point fingers like that. They were frustrating and confusing times and he blames it on the commie and the mutual destruction assurance. _He had to enjoy life while there was life to enjoy right? He's a very curious person he had to try a few new things… _That sounds a bit wrong even on his head.

He blames is current condition, the crisis… He is not feeling heroic, he is feeling sick and down but he is trying, he truly is. Then his people like to scream on his head and make him do these things…

_Damn_, he messed up bad this time…

He is not sure why he started acting like this again, he is pretty sure he was over all this things until that _fucking_ incident… His _enemy_, that… that _man_… He was _aroused_ because of that bastard, it was not only the fight, no but he can't understand what happened. And he felt, _oh God he felt-…_

He can't even find the words to describe the _loathing_ he feels for Russia.

He still remembers all the cold spats and words, threats and promises and he knows he won't forget that easily. It was enough how the great wars were deep to him and the bastard had to come with his verbal fights, always using fear, paranoid and something he could to overpower him. Of course he did the same, he was not going to let communism take his friend… Look where that went too… One more reason to make him feel a loser… He was betrayed by his closer friend and could do nothing against that.

How pathetic, now he is having a little pity party! It's Canada's fault! He is supposed to be near him and help him think…

America groaned and sighed making the alien appear on his side and sit.

''You know? I'm having a pity party, wanna join?'' the alien looked at him and he groaned.

''You are right I should go there and apologise…''

The alien stood and walked away and he looked to the front door. Yes, Toni is right, he needs to go talk to Canada and apologise face to face.

He already talked with France through the phone and he could feel the harsh tone through it, he is not stepping on the man for a while but fortunately he said ''You need to stop and think about what we said, only then I will forgive you Alfred. Besides I know what you are passing through, we all been there and believe in me, if you don't resolve this now it will reach critical proportions.''

America simply nodded to himself and replied that he would think; now he is thinking and the guilt is killing him. He may not _be_ like them but he should respect, he was practically raised by men… and considers France and England his mentors and father figures so he should be a little rational. But something inside him broke and fell on that day… he's so confused and frustrated that he can't understand. And all those voices on his mind!

He should be used to the voices, all the nations hear the voices of his people but he can't help to fear them. He wonders if the others also fear them… It's not heroic to fear his own mind but he fears it. He knows himself too well for not to fear it.

Silence overtook his mind for a while and he sighed in relief then he remembered the dark blue suit Russia wore on this encounter; it looked like the Imperial Russia, his friend…_ Fuck, why can't he stay out of his mind for a second? He's not attracted to his enemy!_

Yes, a few presidents were hot, yes he can see if a man is handsome and Russia is… Well, all the nations are handsome but he is not attracted to him and _never_ was!

His head started to pound and he stood and walked to the bathroom. A bath, then Canada. Yes, America is the Hero and will fix things no matter how hard he will have to try. He just needs to find a way of taking whatever the commie put on his head out! Stupid nano-commie-technology!

…

* * *

><p><strong>After Notes<strong>:

Yes I have a few things to tell about this. I fell that I was not able of making my ideas pass to the readers so I'll explain it.

-Russia is not as homophobic cruel as he gives people to think. He lived in despair for a while because of that. You can see that it was when things started to get 'crazy' on Russia so it made sense to me to add that on that particular time. Because attraction for another man was very punished, hated and denied Russia took care of it for himself denying himself the possibility of another side of the coin. Russia is very focussed on the sides he takes and I would see him 'fighting it' all alone and pretending to be part of the events happening and blame it on them. Confusion on a nation's mind is hard for them to take and he will blame it mostly on that.

Because cold war was really hateful, I like to salient this, he never though much about it then. And because he is kind of more conservative, hardworking and familial not engaging in lewd acts many times he never had much time to ponder such things again. (He had countries to rule and punish people! That gives work! xD)

- America for his part is suffering a real part that any people passes when confronted with him, denial and fear. He is in a much more advanced phase than Russia because of the open sides around him and the fact he thinks of France and England as paternal parts of his childhood. (another countries took part like Spain but I made him think of them as uncles due the friendship Spain and France share.)

America did engage in a few things on the 70's as I said before and is passing a most critical and emotional phase. He had accepted a few things and even respected but because he engaged in a few things he is more confused because he once though they were sexual urges. When he realised there was _needed_ an emotional connection he backed off blaming it all on the few illegal substances he took. It's frustrating to him realising that attraction is happening again and worse for a person that he took off from his life because of betrayal. The worst is the fact that he was a huge enemy from half century is also a major problem on his head.

Because of that 'accident' he panicked blaming it on Russia and trying to find every excuse. Because America is filled with racism, sexism and such different bad views he embrace them to protect himself. Because that hurt people he will enter on the realisation phase where he will search himself and try not to find so many excuses.

.

Of course this is my interpretation for this story and what I wanted to express.

None of the homophobic thoughts are mine! And all the headcanons are made for this story. A few were already mine but I had to create some for this. I hope this makes things clear. Sorry if I'm not able of expressing my ideas very well but think for the bright side, I'm much more crappy on my own thoughts and mind! XD

This one was shorter because of the emotional confusion of both parts... sorry.

Now I'll go on vacations and will take 3 weeks or so to fill a new chapter so sorry for that...

**Next**: Will America apologise to Matthew and start searching himself with his help? Will Russia pretend that nothing happened or something will change it? just keep reading.

sneak peek: Ukraine will appear again! ^-^


	7. ANNOUNCEMENT

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, slight smut and some colourful language among other offensive things.

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a movie..._

**Notes:**

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

This will have present and past history facts. History contexts are based on real events but the stories are fictional.

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p><strong>Okay guys I have a big question to make before writing a new chapter.<strong>

**I want to know if this is offensive or not.**

**If you want me to change the story (because I really would love to keep the little stories) or continue,**

**or even if you prefer that I stop this story for once.**

**You will ask why I ask this but I am getting rather hesitant about this because this is showing harsh views of countries and orientations... **

**I hope everyone understands this is a canonverse AU, that all the thoughts and harsh views are merely for this story and yes, they do exist but not as expressively as portrait. **

**America and Russia are free countries that have people of all kinds and minds as any other, one or two examples do not make a whole nation and I'm not trying to imply nothing with this story!**

**I am a person who believes that any pair has a time for love, hate, friendship, longing, simply distance moments and more through history. We can not ignore the mutual hate and that's a things I am trying to portray here and that will appear on the next chapter. That and homophobia were my main motivations to this story.**

**So, I showed my fears, the fear of being on an edge that can be potentially offensive, and want your opinion. Thank you.**


	8. Chapter 8

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, explicit sexual behaviours and some colourful language.

Implied NetherlandxCanada; Fruk; Gerita; Sufin and non returned feeling of some countries.

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a crack movie... (a porn too) _

**Before reading notes:**

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

This will have present and past history facts. History contexts are based on real events but the stories are fictional.

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p>France sat on his porch sipping wine and looking at the moon.<p>

The wind was somewhat cold on May but on his warm skin the cool weather was perfect for a little philosophy, or at least thinking.

And what could be thinking of a country like France other than beauty? Of course _l'amour_, love as you may know it. A strange feeling that is as feared as desired, a little bit like war, _non_? We have a bit of violence and need for blood inside of us and Nations feel it boiling on their blood as the people grow in discontent and concern leaving the nation unrest and unable of sleep as France feels right now.

This brings nostalgia to the old nation, France used to be a fighter and old nations need to fight to survive. It's on their roots, they were little pieces of dirt that grew with ambition wanting and needing more, fighting and killing for more and now they are simply still, he's sure England agrees with him or they wouldn't be always fighting.

Now nations are condemned to wait and see their people in displeasure as their own will is reduced to ashes. Yes, France was a fighter, a passionate fighter but now he wants the peace to endure even if the fighting bug keeps crawling inside him. He's afraid he can't bear these new wars filled with guns and weapons leaving the real fight alone. He craves body on body fights, blood running on his own temple as the opponent dies in front of him, bloodied, destroyed and resilient until his last breath, beautiful and poetic. He despises these new guns that kill millions with one attack and leave nothing to see, it's ugly. At least old fights were beautifully cruel.

He sips his wine and feel the little buzz on his mind, at least today he will drink until he barely crawls to the bed. He hates elections; he can feel the indecision, the fear on his people. He can even feel the hate too, is confusing and it hurts but this year he is alone to bear it because England left a few hours ago proclaiming 'Queen duties'…

France snorted to himself, he knows England simply walked away to see if America needs him, he still treats the nation as a lad, as a young kid that needs guidance. He can't blame him he also cares about his dear wards but, perhaps he's a bit jealous or is the wine talking….

He sighed and looked to the moon as a cloud obscured the glowing form in the sky and France felt a pang on his hear, a change. Ah, government will change, _good_, he was getting rather tired of Germany. Don't take him wrong, it's just too soon and France is not ready. His War wounds are still wide open and his back and ass are the proof of how hard he fought.

As the bottle got empty his thoughts drifted as poker cards on a cheaters table. His newest concern was making him unease.

America and Russia is the subject in matter. England said he would try to call America to reason and France got stuck with the hard task of gathering information about Russia, he will need much more wine for this task.

He understands them, he truly does because he faced war with someone he holds dearly to his heart and that leaves heavy scars but he can't understand how everyone ignores them hoping that will be the best.

Well, it won't! His messed up relationship with England is the proof.

America belongs to the new world, a world of promises and changes but such a powerful world. France fears what the young country may do and Russia, well, Russia is a child inside of a big Nation. He doesn't understand and won't because he simply doesn't want it. Childish yes but France got to the conclusion it's also a cover, a way of keeping himself safe. From what he just doesn't know but big nations with such power shouldn't be so apart from their inner selves.

They are too attached to his people, to the hate and paranoia of people to let themselves free their souls and let their nations grow.

America fears that he's not the hero and tries to control it the most he can. Russia fears change and can't decide which patch to take making his people control his mind. Wrong.

And all the countries should help but most are on these conditions or worse.

France sighed and closed his eyes feeling rather old and too wise for his age. Experience is a good tool but a powerful one and he doesn't know how to use it.

He's afraid that their help will turn things worse but as the country of love he can't let his little brother and friend fall in hate and pain again.

His phone rang and he ignored it knowing that if he got up he would sway and bump into things. Being a conscious philosophic drunk is not a good thing sometimes.

He shifted on his large chair and decided to sleep there. The decision was made and he can finally sleep. Hopefully this new boss will be as good as the last one.

* * *

><p>.<p>

America drove to Canada.

It was a long trip and he enjoyed it because he could stop many times and talk to people.

His mind was a bit cleared with the trip; he needed a break from his overworking pace. Yes, he is a slob, leaves it all to the last-minute but he truly works and has the best intentions even if lately everything goes wrong.

He doesn't understand why lately he's feeling this confused and he tried to think about what the other countries said. Perhaps, only perhaps he's disconnected with himself.

He cares dearly for his people, he listens to every single one of them, no matter colour, race, religion, roots, sexuality, age, nothing, and he simply listens and tries to help. It's what a hero does right?

He was almost in Canada's home so he stopped to eat something on a little coffee on the side of the road.

Snow got crunched under his boots and he shivered a bit having only a shirt and his jacket on but he kept walking and sighed in relief when the condition air his goose bumped flesh.

He drank a coffee watching two young ladies with their fingers crossed and giggling, like young girls in love, making him feel a jerk. He truly has been a dick for everyone, specially his people because he was sending bad vibes to them. _What a Hero… _

He shook his head and gave a sad smile trying to understand why does he feels so bad but only a bittersweet taste came to his mouth. He couldn't shake the feeling it has nothing to do with his people and it makes him feel worse.

Its Russia's fault somehow, he knows it!

He tries to shrug it off but lately he can't take of his head how that man _betrayed_ him…

_In 1914 the Outbreak of World War I happened and America simple watched curiously as Russia sided immediately with Britain, France, and Serbia against Germany and the Austria-Hungary union._

_In** 1917** the Russian Revolution of 1917 destroys the Tsarist autocracy and leads to the creation of the Soviet Union as a Provisional Government. It was something that begun in 1905 but only in 1917 leads to a complete chaos and its properly proclaimed as a mass success of the series of Russian Revolutions._

_''Russia has a provisional Government America, this is something you should try to talk about with countries around him.'' America's boss says and America frowns._

_''I can't do nothing in the middle of this Bolshevik Revolution, he's closing himself with most of the world and-'' _

_''And you will try to keep close relations, we may not need that country as much as before but it still has many materials and minerals we need to have.'' His boss interrupts and America tries to talk with Europe to know more information._

_Knowing almost nothing he went to Russia but the country personification never received him._

At first America felt concerned with the way Russia closed his country then when he found the country converted to Communism he simply felt disturbed.

After the rejection or he must say slap on his face because he refused to see America, he realised their ideologies would drive them apart and started getting ready for the worse.

As England warned him once when he was only a little toddler looking up to his big pirate brother 'Nations_ are not reliable friends, their bosses control them and there's nothing they can do._' So he simply accepted it and tried to talk with the man, not the country trying to help somehow.

It was a hard task, he must admit. Russia only appeared when there were major interests or subjects to be talked about. A direct and hardworking country as always but this time avoiding America with nails and teeth making America feel rather hurt. But he tried to reach out for his friend, he would never leave a friend without a fight.

**_1922-_**_ Russia's famine._

_America__ helped Russia giving food and cereals to his hungry people. _

_Russia__ was very touched by it but he envied how America always had everything and he had to fight so hard for the little he had. After weeks he started wondering if America simply pitied him and was mocking him twisting his grateful feelings into mistrust making him want America closer just to see if it was truth. _

.

**_1933- _**_ Russia reopens relations with U.S.A and it's proclaimed Soviet Union._

_''I am bigger and stronger yes?'' Russia smiles gleeful and America frowns not liking how Russia's smile widened and curved upward in a fake twisted motion and his eyes kept wide and hard._

_''Yeah… '' American nodded not very sure and Russia glee kept growing._

_''Everyone will be one with me soon.'' He cheered looking at America rather insanely and America gulped feeling rather confused._

_''Ivan…''_

_''Call me Soviet Union Amerika, you haven't earn the right to call me that.'' He pointed out so cheerily that made America's disgust grow._

_''I do not like what you became.'' America stated no longer see his friend there, only a man with his face and body._

_''So silly, you think you can change me back! No Amerika, I am stronger now and I have a great vision! Soon there will be no hunger, no fear and no misery! Wouldn't it be nice?'' Russia looked up hopefully and America couldn't deny that sounded rather good._

_''Uh….''_

_''Yes, it's very nice being friendly and have everyone under your mighty rule.'' He thought aloud and America frowned._

_''Everyone?''_

_''Yes, you will be one with me soon too.'' He cheered clapping his hands with disturbing glassed purple eyes and America stepped back._

_''You are crazy!'' America yelled truly seeing what Russia become for the first time and Russia laughed in a edged way before turning solemn and whisper closely to America's ears._

_''You never saw crazy Amerika, you never saw your people like I saw mine Amerika, you know nothing about crazy **United States of America****!** '' he sneered and America gulped the vile that came to His mouth._

America felt truly disgusted at the time and afraid, not that he would admit fear but yes, his friend was no longer there but he tried once again to have his friend back. He could save him from that evil, he just needed strength and he would have his friend back right?

**_1940_**_,_

_''I want to talk with you'' America walked to the strong-looking country._

_''About my non-aggression pact with Germany?'' Soviet Union asked and America shook his head trying to remember that this was a new country ruled by new evil ideologies._

_''No. I want to open our relations.'' America stated in a serious face and Soviet Union cheered._

_''Ah, you want to become one!''_

_America__ narrowed his eyes and shook his head saying exactly what his boss told him to, _keep it professional.

_''No! I just think it would be beneficial to our countries.''_

_''Ah, no becoming one, no relations!'' Russia giggled and walked away skipping a step that may or not be a limp._

_''Comie bastard!'' America growled angered._

He really tried; America tried to have some kind of politeness with Russia for the sake of their old friendship but the bastard closed himself and acted like that joyful fool ignoring everyone and simply listening to his bosses that it begun to crawl into America's head. The sadness he had of losing the first country that believed in him became paranoia and fear of his ideology that kept spreading like a disease into Europe. It was then and with the hate and fuel of the wars mixed with bittersweet pain, hurt and paranoia that he developed intense hate for the Soviet Union.

He understands it very well, much better than he shows but he can't understand what's happening with him now!

He is sure he doesn't _hate_Russia, he loathes him yes, he's paranoid and wary of him but he doesn't hate him. How could he after such huge fall? Besides Russia is a powerful country, America needs to beware Russia because he's strong, tough and mysterious.

He sighed realising that these thoughts helped in nothing to ease his mind and parked the car.

He reached Canada's house.

.

Canada opened the door with a tired smile making America feel even guiltier so he did what every brother does when he seeks redemption from his brother.

He hugged him tight ''Mattiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee! I'm so sorry! Please listen to me!''

America yelled hugging Canada tightly like a limpet and Canada tried to pry his arms off without success. When America decides he's a limpet, he's a limpet and nothing can take him from what he grabs.

''Al, please let me go I forgive you!'' he said rather softly and America looked up with shy blue eyes behind glasses that craved Canada chest.

''Really? You not mad?'' he asked and Canada nodded.

''Yes you _tosser _now let me go!'' he yelled, not so loudly and America drop him with a relieved smile.

''Thanks bro.. I …'' he started awkwardly and Canada rolled his eyes. America was never good with excuses, which explains the mountain of Roses and wine bottles in France's house and the little awkward call he had with France who promptly forgave him even still feeling hurt by his words.

''Come inside.''

America dropped his heavy tired body on Canada's couch and Canada went preparing a few pancakes to the moody country. He really wants to help but is not sure if America will let him help, he's a stubborn person.

Canada understands that his brother is in a miserable state of confusion because he knows it all! He knows what he's done in the rush of moment when he thought the world was about to end, he knows how he acted when he lost a big friend and he knows how his anger reaches historical levels leaving no room for argument so he needs to talk with him with calm and wait for him to talk. He also knows the man very well to know he needs to vent and will do it after having his belly full. Hey conquer the men by their belly an old wise Canadian said.

He talked with Netherlands on the morning so he knows he will be free to listen to his obstinate brother and he prepared himself with lots of good Canadian television. His bear helped a bit too.

As predicted after a big supply of pancakes and a bad movie on the tv America turned lazily to Canada with a frown.

''I think the great wars made us all crazy y'know?'' He said and Canada blinked.

''I guess…'' he nodded and America turned to him looking a bit thoughtful.

''It made us all change right?'' he looked up and Canada nodded.

''So why don't I feel changed?'' he spat rather angrily and Canada blinked.

''You are changed…''

''I don't feel it! You all look older but I…'' he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

''I still feel too young making dumb mistakes and getting all of Europe through the gutter…'' he sighed and Canada made a sympathetic face, so this was what was worrying him.

''I think you grew Al, I think that just some bad decisions don't define who you are.''

''Well, everyone hates me now because of those bad decisions! All the war crazy dudes in Europe are calm and I still have wars happening…'' he frowned craving his nails on his jeans and Canada rubbed his shoulders.

''Is not your fault, your bosses made bad decisions. Besides the other countries want the war or it wouldn't be happening… your boss is very peaceful right?''

''Yeah, he's a great dude but we can't control it all you know? It's all falling apart and through our fingers…. I feel a loser…'' America lay on the couch placing a hand on his forehead and Canada bit his lip.

''Why don't you forget your nation duties for a while uh?'' Canada tried to make him be at ease for a while but he simply frowned.

''I can't!''

''Why?'' Canada asked already knowing that he can't separate the two identities and America sat straight.

''I never did it and I don't know how…'' he admitted and Canada smirked.

''You used to know how to did it on the 70's, 80's even on the 90's I saw you neglecting your work Al...'' he laughed when America flushed and was relieved that the tense atmosphere was easing.

''Yeah, but I was living in the moment! I was afraid it was the last day of my life dude it was the adrenaline rushing on my veins… and other substances that I totally let go!'' he nodded and Canada continued to look at him.

''I swear! I don't even drink anymore… just a bit… sometimes… ya know… socially.'' he said trailing seriously and Canada smirked.

''Ok, I believe it.''

''What else is wrong Alfred?'' Canada asked after a comfortable silence and America tensed.

''Nothing.'' He said and Canada simply counted till ten.

''I'm confused it's all…'' America said finally and Canada internally smirked, he would be a great therapist.

''About what?'' he asked and America placed one hand on his chin half pouting.

''Is not childish okay? Is just… I have been remembering the cold war a lot and … well, I still feel it crawling on my skin…'' he trailed and Canada blinked.

''You feel what?''

''The hate dude, the fear, the pain… Russia is a mystery and is always silence so I got to watch him closely but afar and this is exhausting but at the same time I know more or less what to expect…''

''You resent the cold war?'' Canada asked rather confused because he thought he had 'forgiven' the Russian and America nodded.

''You can't just delete a century from your history… I still don't understand it fully…'' he admitted and Canada shifted closer wanting to understand it better.

''Do you hate him or still feel that heavy negative feelings towards him?''

''I guess not but my people are very paranoid of them…'' he laughed and Canada smiles.

''It's part of it. Do you want to be his friend again?'' Canada looked into his eyes and saw blue hardening.

''I can't be his friend, things changed…'' he sighed.

''How? It was the wars?''

''Also but I grew somehow…'' he said and Canada frowned, he just had said the contrary and now was saying that he grew?

''And?''

''I don't want to be his friend.'' He shrugged and Canada's mouth made a 'o'.

''No you don't, you want more am I right?'' he pointed out and America gasped looking mortified.

''What?'' he choke out and Canada pressed further trying to make him realise himself.

''Friendship is not enough isn't it?''

''It's not like that!'' He said wanting to get up but Canada grabbed his arm.

''Alfred how do you see him?''

''As a man of course.'' He said confused and Canada smiled softly.

''How did you use to see him before?''

Silence took the room as America made a pained confused face and Canada could see the excuses running out and the realisation coming.

''A person Al, you saw him as a friend and when you became too close things changed am I right?''

''But..'' he looked with wide eyes and stepped back making Canada stand.

''You were afraid weren't you? Then you simply let him drift away because you were relieved.'' Canada pointed out accusingly and America frowned.

''I tried to talk to him!''

''Yes, in the moments you couldn't bear to keep so afar…'' Canada sighed and America shook his head.

''No, you re wrong!''

''Al… please think neutrally, it's not that hard to understand if you leave your country aside.'' Canada pleaded and America made a pained face that became tight and angered.

''He left!''

_Oh,_Canada thought, he felt much more betrayed than he gave to think. It was personal.

''That's what bothers you? Your insecurity and neediness made you feel betrayed and left out?'' He said trying not to be harsh and America glared at him

''I'm not-,'' he started but Canada interrupted

''You are Al…''

Silence stretched and Canada could see America gulping dryly in shame.

''And he's a scared child... That's why you are both like this now avoiding each other.''

''How do you…?'' he trailed looking much more aware of himself and Canada sat looking at the defensive standing country.

''I observe and then France and I talk enough to make me understand Russia.''

''Its not…''

''Are you still denying?'' Canada pressed ready to point out things that he couldn't avoid and America deflated looking pained, confused and fearful.

''I… don't know…''

''The world doesn't needs to know that you prefer men, its personal and now one should judge so don't fear what people think.''

''I don't! It's just… I…'' he tried to explain but failed running his hands through his hair in a desperate motion and Canada worried his lip.

''I know how you feel and I'm sure it will pass and you will understand, just know that I'm here Al, you don't need to go through this alone…'' Canada looked to him as he sat on the edge of the couch.

''He's an enemy….'' He pressed and Canada frowned.

''Alfred?''

''He's a man _and_ an enemy! I can't be attracted by such… Oh God… I'm an embarrassment to my own country!'' he started hyperventilating and Canada ran to him making him breath again.

.

**8 July, **European Championship

Russia wins 4 – 1 to check republic

Russia was feeling very confident this year and the very recent winning was the proof so he celebrated it gleefully.

Vodka, liquors and even a few beers made his night as the fans cheered with him, this all to forget work and everything on his confused country side.

Night was young but he was already tipsy, being a not easy drunk was indeed a blessing but even he can get drunk and a very drunk Check Republic personification came to him sneering and taking the loss deep in the heart.

''Ty, yes, ty Rusko you bastard! Heard you were getting it on with America on the meeting! What a bunch of-'' he slurred drunkenly throwing a bottle to Russia and said nation saw red.

Russia grabbed his pipe and ran to him in a clumsy attempt of hitting him that lead to a heavy fight between both countries.

Later than night, after local news and cops take care of the growing event, he went to Ukraine's home, where he was going to stay for a few days stumbling and slurring as his sister opened the door with wide concerned eyes.

''Russia, dear god!'' she said grabbing him as he limped and dragged a bloodied pipe with him slurring a few things in Russian that sounded like 'lies' and 'never'.

Ukraine sat him on the couch concerned about his bruised lip and leg but he didn't let her touch him slurring and yelling to her in Slavic Russian.

''I DO NOT LIKE HIM!''

She frowned and brought him a glass of hot water that he threw to the ground with tears on his eyes.

''Not fair…'' he murmured and she sighed not sure who call to making him go home without incidents.

''Russia, go home! You are drunk!''

''NET!'' he trashed on the couch his eyes glassed, wide and lighter than usual as his pale skin become even paler and she bit his lip vowing to let him sleep there in hopes he will stay still.

''Brother?''

''That's disgusting and I would never take part in such-,... '' he kept babbling in slurred Russian and Ukraine grab him as he stood trying to punch something on the air.

A few seconds of whimpering she felt Russia going limp on her arms shoving both on the couch.

''Oh brother… what happened this time?'' he asked aloud knowing he would not reply and only awake to throw up a few minutes later.

* * *

><p><strong>After Notes<strong>:

''Ty, yes, ty Rusko ...'' means 'You, yes, you Russia...'

You will ask why I made France start the chapter so I explain, I wanted to give you the vibe of a wise old nation. Simple. The other nations are trying to help so I should show their views. Of course the view of a close and observer country would be the best option.

And this was May, June, July. Time needs to pass and this story has many time skips because countries are busy personifications right?I hope I'm accomplishing my ideas with this... damn I am very reticent ... :/

**Next**:Alfred realisations, and the feeling of betrayal towards his country. This will be mainly Russia though, he will have a very enlightening nightmare that will shook him up making you understand even more his close mind and fear of change.


	9. Chapter 9

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, explicit sexual behaviours and some colourful language.

Implied NetherlandxCanada; Fruk; Gerita; Sufin and non returned feeling of some countries.

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a crack movie... (a porn too) _

**Before reading notes:**

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

This will have present and past history facts. History contexts are based on real events but the stories are fictional.

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p>Russia trashed and whimpered on the couch. He woke up to throw up twice and Ukraine was worried death because he was completely drunk and oblivious to the outside world. He was drunker than she have seen him in a good while, <em>centuries while<em>.

She kept looking at him biting her lip looking at Serbia who came to help her because Lithuania was busy.

Meanwhile Russia's dreams were filled with loss and hurt. Firstly he began to dream with his revolution, all the dreams and hopes exterminated cruelly and without mercy. How his beloved naval force tried to follow the dream of peace but ended mostly killed, the few ones that survived ran to Finland with a piece of his heart broken.

How Lenin influenced and created a police force that kept everyone in check, including himself then the dreams shifted to the force of the Red. How he blindly followed them and _believed_, how he tried to run out without falling when his people realised, _he_ realised but suddenly everything was falling around him so he tried to grab it and keep it standing but everything kept falling and falling and when he noticed they were walking away.

They all left one by one.

.

**_1956_**_ - Polish Uprising_

_''I'll be free Soviet Union.'' Poland grinned weakly and Russia stood tall and proud. ''You won't!'' _

_._

**_October-November 1956_**_ - Hungarian Uprising:_

_''Why Hungary?'' He asked not understanding why they all wanted to go away when he tried so hard to protect them from him. _

_''I can't keep doing this to my children…'' She said with a sad smile and he frowned almost desperately._

_''We are a family!''_

_''Only in your mind…'' She said grabbing her case pitying him as a mother would to a lost child._

_._

_He tried to grab them, keep them close. _

_He didn't know how but he would so he started forcing them to stay, violently. He had no other choice if they do not fear him they would leave, they wanted to leave and he couldn't let them leave him alone again. Alone, cold and empty. He tried to do as his bosses did because it worked right? But there was something more, HE, America wanted to take them from him, he knows it!_

_._

_May **1984** - Soviet Olympic Boycott: The Soviet Union announced that it would not participate in the 1984 summer Olympic Games in Los Angeles, alleging poor U.S. security arrangements._

_''Fucking hell!?'' America glares and asks and Russia simply widens his amused smirk._

_''You silly people can't provide security and I will not let my people die because of your poor arrangements.'' He states and America glares at him with all the hate of a volcano ready to explode._

_''I fucking hate you!''_

_''Ah, that feeling is mutual.'' Russia sings turning around and thinking that perhaps he can make America one too._

_._

**_April 1986_**_ - Chernobyl Disaster: On April 26, an explosion at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant, 60 miles north of Kiev, led to the worst nuclear accident in history. U.S. medical personnel provided assistance to the victims._

_''Damn, look what you've done!'' America pointed scandalized, hurt and angered and Russia simply shivers in shock, pain and fear._

_''It was not me… '' he murmurs weakly and America turns to him with his hateful glare making him flinch. _

_''ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!'' America yelled._

_''ITS NOT ITS NOT! STOP THAT!'' Russia flinched again thinking how Soviet Union should never flinch._

.

He kept trashing more quietly and Ukraine fell asleep on Serbia shoulder as Russia kept grabbing everything around him trying to unconsciously warm himself.

On his dreams everything was falling and becoming even colder, painfully and agonizingly frozen as people starved, died and everyone left him alone in the middle of it.

.

**_June-November 1989_**_ - Fall of Communism in Eastern Europe: Shortly after Poland's electorate voted the Communists out of government in June, Gorbachev announced that the Soviet Union would not interfere with the internal affairs of the Eastern European countries. By October, Hungary and Czechoslovakia followed Poland's example and, on November 9, 1989 the East German Government opened the Berlin Wall._

_The wall was down, a big hole made by both sides and Soviet Union stood there watching them leave and hug family, friends, and even strangers in happiness._

_America__ walked to his side and he didn't even bother to look to know the clacking of American boots._

_''They are leaving… all of them…'' Russia murmured and America looked at him, thin, bruised, barely holding himself tall and proud as he used to but he started cracking a smile despite his pain._

_''Well you did this to yourself! Why are you smiling?'' America asked curiously and looked in front to be touched by the warm feeling of freedom on that people._

_''Look how happy they look!'' Russia said smiling and America nodded until he continued. ''They all hate me… ''_

_To that America looked up to him and saw tears run freely on pale cheeks._

_''You… are crying…'' he said with hesitation and Russia brought a hand to his face._

_''Ah... I must be but soon they will be one again…'' he nodded and America made a pained gaping face before shaking his head and walk away leaving Russia standing there for hours._

_._

Russia woke up groggily, slowly and with a nauseating feeling on his belly, throat and mouth only remembering the dreams about how they all left.

He stood slowly feeling the light burning his eyes making him close them tightly and rub his temples. He needs to go home…. And his breath stinks now that he can feel It without the vile that the dreams came to his mouth.

He looked to Ukraine who slept and stood slowly feeling his legs bobbing and threatening to let him fall as he walked out of the house before leaving a note assuring he will bring people to clean her house and pay the damage. _How shameful… _

Lithuania will help; he knows it so he just sends an urgency message to his pager.

He reminded himself he had work to do but changes can't happen until he's sure and he's not sure so he decided to take de day off as his throat filled with vile that threaten to go make him puke.

He hated hangovers and they truly made him miserable but he was already craving another bottle of vodka just to warm his body and forget the dreams that were plaguing his mind.

.X.

England sat reading news and not amused how his team was doing. Stupid frog… he blames it on the French team of course. They tied, how unfair.

France was looking at him with a smirk and he frowned harder making his bushy eyebrows appear on his line of vision but not looking up from his paper.

''Cher, don't be mad, I'm sure you team will win someday.'' He teased, laughed and England threw the paper to his head to grab his tea-cup and sip on it. Earl Grey, lovely but better if the _company_ would shut up.

'' Sod off! You will talk with Ukraine on the 15th right?'' England asks and France nods.

''I will try to talk to her, I'm sure she can help.'' He nodded smiling and sat in front of him trying to read the front of the paper.

''Hum...'' England hummed and sighed looking up with green curious eyes making France stop his reading.

''Your new president…'' England starts and cough and France looks up with suspicion.

''What about him?''

''How does he feel about the Franco-German relationship?'' England asks with unreadable eyes and France blue ones grow hard.

''I won't talk about politics with you.'' He states and England places the cup of tea and paper on the table bending forward.

''I don't want that, I just… want to have a light here France.'' He states and the French stirs further on his sit.

''You have nothing to do with this, besides is past.'' He states and England frowns.

''I don't trust him!'' He states as if that would explain all his controversy and drifting actions against the European ideas and France bends looking at him with a dangerous look that was meant to shrug him off. Something that France doesn't do without a reason.

''He left me to death but I forgave him, you should do the same.'' France states with a dark edge and England swallows.

''I was the one finding you. I stayed by your side and saw what he done to you! How can you forgive him?'' England yells punching the table making the tea clatter and the table creak but France didn't even flinched.

''I survived, _non_?'' He asks with a levelled voice and England finds his resolve dying a bit with that.

''But…''

''Do not trouble your mind, its pass and we have done worse to each other.''

''NO we haven't! He's not allowed-,'' he stopped himself from finish the sentence and France stood.

''You wanted to be the one leaving me choking on my own blood as I fought to free my limbs and people, am I right? You always want to be the one bringing me down to my knees and the fact that someone else was stronger and almost killed me burns and kills you inside!'' France hisses and England also stands.

'_'YOU_ belong to me! I haven't spent my life fighting with you for some_ kraut_ to take you from me!'' he sneered with venom and fire of a pirate on green eyes and France almost missed that fire but right now felt repulsed by it.

''You disgust me sometimes _Ange_…''

''I… didn't mean it… I….'' England sighed and rubbed his temples but France simply shook his head.

'_'Non_, you meant every word but you don't want to admit it. How English of you dear _Angleterre_.'' France said walking away as England sat loudly on the chair and threw the cup of tea to the ground.

''Go, run as the coward you are!'' England murmured and France bumped the door loudly in response.

''Shite.''

.X.

_(June 13, 2012, 3am in Russia. present time)_

Russia panted and shook on his bed making it creak as the covers fell from his body leaving him colder.

His brow was furrowed and sweat glistened and ran through his skin as he grabbed the sheets and kicked around.

_He was all over him, chest flush to his back, hand and arms grabbing his, legs pining him and he trashed, oh he trashed but he was bigger, much stronger and he was already penetrating him somehow._

_''Do you feel my body flush to yours, my dick inside of you Russ, Your own body and mind used and subjugated?'' He asked in a deep husky voice and Russia shook harder as tears fell from his eyes and pain, burning ripping pain, expanded from his rear to his sore legs and lower back._

_He kept shoving himself inside his body quickly and with no pattern making Russia whimper and stop trashing or it would hurt more, always more from his torn bloodied abused ass._

_He felt the change on the little body and started touching him where no one should, he rubbed and pumped his dick quickly with grip creating friction and Russ's body started to react as he panicked. He didn't like it; it hurt so much and was so humiliating… be even if he begged he wouldn't let him go before he's finished._

_''Your body betrays you and responds to me little one…'' he sneers on his ear and bites his shoulder making Russia scream and try to pry that hand from there but he held him down almost breaking his nose on the cold rocky floor._

_He trusted in and out this time aiming for something that made his body jerk and feel strangely pleasant under all that pain. It was disgusting how his dick stood proud and he came spilling a bit of white but he felt no pleasure at all when that happened. _

_''How lovely, you came for me? I'm flattered!'' he kept his motions harder and deeper making him flinch and beg for stop but he only replied after coming inside him while strangling his neck._

_''How silly, you will never be out of my mighty rule little Vanya. You will belong to me forever and now you make part of the Golden Horde. '' Mongolia, the Mongol empire stated shoving him to the ground while smirking._

_The worse was how he said it all in Mongol and he understood every each word. He was one of them now and he could only shiver, cry and hope his sisters were safe and hidden._

He woke up gasping for air as his throat suffocated and made him shiver in disgusting, shameful agony.

Once he stopped shivering and gasping for air he sat there panting and staring at nothing wondering why he can't forget, why his mind keeps playing that disgusting and shameful moment to bring him pain; He really though he had dealt with it but it keeps coming back.

He grabbed the phone to call Ukraine but she didn't respond so he tried Lithuania who ignored him and he cried softly holding his pillow so tight to his nose that breathing became heavy and difficult between the sobs.

.

Ukraine was filling some papers. She spent the morning with her sister Belarus and decided to put her paper work in day.

She was wondering about debts and aids when a tall handsome man knocked on her door making her look up.

''Miss, the Russians called.'' He warned and she nodded.

''I'll see that later.'' She said wondering if she was in debt again with brother when the man coughed and caught her attention.

''Miss Ukraine, the Russian representation is here.'' He said a bit fearfully and she frowned giving order for him to enter.

A few seconds passed and a very unsettled Russia ran to her clinging to her waist placing his head on her neck silently.

She stood frozen and patted his back feeling a bit guilty for ignoring his call in the morning and started to feel something wet on her neck.

''Oh dear, Russia is okay, your boys cleaned it all.'' She assured and he shook his head.

''Not that?'' she asked and he nodded clinging harder to her.

''What's wrong?'' She pressed feeling her worry grow and he murmured something on her neck giving her ticking breaths.

''What dear?'' she asked again pushing his head and he murmured ''Don't know.'' Before pressing his head to his previous spot as a child and she sighed.

This was no good, he would not move until he felt better and she knew it. She simply wished to help or at least know what was happening but he was a tumble with his problems and wouldn't let her even imagine.

''Come and sit Vanya.'' She said tenderly and after some hesitation he dropped her following her to the sofa and kneel in front of her with his head on her lap making her sad and ran a hand through his silvery locks in worry.

.X.

**_August 1905_**_ - Peace Conference, Portsmouth, New Hampshire : Russo-Japanese War._

_''I am moderating this non sense! This is a peace conference and you'll accept that Ivan.'' America yells to a very angered Russia who kept trying to shove him away from his businesses._

_''I do not wish you putting your nose on my affairs." He growled and America yelled walking to him._

_''I'm not! I'm only helping.''_

_''You helped enough, you think he is right!'' Russia spat back walking to him too, now they were only an inch apart yelling and hissing to each other._

_''I haven't said such thing.''_

_''But you think, I can tell.'' Russia hissed lowly with a bit of hurt and America frowns._

_''Ivan…''_

_''I am sorry… my mind is a mess lately I am only following orders.'' Russia says rubbing his tired temples and Alfred shakes his head not knowing exactly what was happening but understanding that it was having many effects on the Russian._

_''I know but…''_

_''Alfred, something will change…'' Russia looks up solemnly and America blinks to him._

_''What do you mean?''_

_''Can't you feel it? '' Russia asks a bit nervous and America shakes his head._

_''Uh… no…''_

_''I was the first one feeling it... now France and Serbia are feeling it too… no matter what happens here do not put your nose on our business.'' Russia warns with a hint of threat and America narrows his eyes._

_''Hey! Why!?''_

_''I do not want you hurt.'' He murmurs and walks away not leaving space for America to make questions._

_Weeks later_

_America__ is reading the news with Japan who had said he really enjoys his isolation. _

_America__ can't help think about Russia and how he's closing himself as afraid of something and decides to save him from isolation because he knows Russia is not fond of it. Perhaps he's being forced, yes? But he doesn't know what Russia is thinking and it bothers him._

_He's sure Russia feels betrayed but he only obeyed orders. Russia was not meant to win this one and America feels guilty but shrugs it off hoping that the future holds better things._

_Meanwhile he was oblivious to how England and France and many European countries kept rubbing their chests with a concerned look as a Revolution started in Russia with a terrible murder._

**Flashback Notes:** Europe was feeling it but America wasn't. Russia felt indeed betrayed by his major ally but America had interests with Japan. If he helped him why was him not helping back?

We went back a little but it was to make a connection.

.

America sat at the kitchen table watching Canada cooking something for them.

Canada for his side was glad that America was able of keeping his random intelligible rambling for himself but the look on his eyes was somewhat concerning. He freaked out and started yelling with Matthew how he was not a good representation of a country, how he should hate his enemies but can't and how he keeps trying to do good things but it all comes wrongly and Canada couldn't help feel sorry for him. It is indeed hard to be a Super Power and reply for the entire planet.

Canada feels that America is filling with impossible expectations and it comes in weight to his perceptive mind when he's weakened and it worries Canada even more.

America can't help remember that he gained and earned trust and admiration but that it fell apart with Russia's changes. They were evil changes and he simply tried to help him not to create hostility.

They even tried to work together in the Second War but they had a mutual enemy, Germany.

There the quizzical attitude Russia used to have become cold, harsh, ruthless and angry towards him and he couldn't help but return in the same coin.

There were never troops, direct battles or even violence between their people, simply threats that were fuelled by propaganda and the space race. He gets it.

He studied and tried to understand Russia for years so he understands that their competition and hatred was fuelled by misunderstanding and political views but he's still an enemy right?

He's mysterious and America can't even imagine what he thinks so he keeps wary of that man and country.

He sighed and looked at the concerned eyes of his brother waving his hand in dismissive.

He doesn't understand why the man hates him and now has to admit attraction…? Damn… he can't deny that he may like him a bit more than any other nation but that doesn't mean he wants to confront it yet...

He simply wished it was easier. That he was at least ally and _someone_ easier.

Russia is everything but easy, he has layers and layers of physical and psychological needs that he hides and knowing that makes his frustration grows more.

He groaned and sipped on his orange juice. What to do now that he sort of accepts it?

.

.O.

.

**_November 1943_**_ - Tehran Conference: President Roosevelt met with Stalin and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill at Tehran to discuss military strategy and to plan for the post war period._

_''Damn… look at this… my troops are dying ... '' America murmured sadly reading the last number of causalities and England turned to him with a scowl._

_''Lad you think it's only yours? Have you seen France? Of course not the frog was captured! The damn frog was captured!'' he yelled angrily but there was concern on green eyes that made America keeping his mouth shut for once._

_''I thought you didn't care Anglya.'' Russia looked at him curiously as he slightly bended in pain on the table but trying to keep it unnoticed with a sly smirk._

_''Of course I care! They are using him against m- I bloody Hell… Let's talk about business…'' England spat and murmured shaking his head trying to act rationally._

_''We will save him England... The second front will work out…'' America tried to reassure and England nodded._

_''I Know... I know… stupid weak frog… '' he murmured but his tone didn't sounded angered at the man but instead at the offender, Germany._

_''I do not believe is being weak, his people is still fighting and my intelligence told me he his still fighting. '' Russia said frowning and America nodded._

_''Yeah, my said the same…'' _

_England__ looked at them and nodded not feeling very confident but hoping that with the force of Canada combined he had more luck._

_._

**_1945_**_ - Yalta Conference: Roosevelt, Stalin, and Churchill met again at Yalta in the Crimea. There they discussed the future of Poland and Eastern Europe as well as the post war division of Germany._

_''I want east Germany!'' Soviet Union stated looking at them threatenly and America frowned._

_''But France will have a fourth part why can't you be the one making this little concession?'' America asked glaring and he shrugged a bandaged shoulder._

_ ''It's only fair, I lost much more men''_

_''We are already three splitting here dude, it's not fair!'' America spat back and he eyed America with distaste, anger and pain._

_''He attacked my sisters, myself and my satellites! I will have East Germany either you like it or not and won't take less than that!'' he said as the room turned colder and England nodded._

_''Okay, he's right... he lost much more and faced it even having internal struggles…'' he said turning to America who kept glaring at the Soviet Union representation._

_''Thank you, I knew you would see my side'' The soviet said and America hissed._

_''I am not joining you commie.''_

_''I never thought that for a second!'' her said back with a wickedly sweet smile._

_''You better!''_

_Both now their time was soon and made no room to pretend fake agreements as the course made their way clear for them to focus on each other. They only Joined that war on the same side because Germany made the mistake of messing with Russia and America knew but the fact only made him grin and want the enemy near and closer to watch him intently._

_._

_April **1949** - North Atlantic Treaty Organization: On April 14, twelve Western nations signed the North Atlantic Treaty providing for mutual support in the event of a military attack on any of the parties to the treaty and established the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO)._

_._

**_1950-1953_**_ - Korean War:_

_''They attacked fucking south!'' America hissed. He was watching over it and was not pleased but Russia simply looked at him with a sly shrug._

_''Ah, I have nothing to do with that.'' He was only taking care of his northern friend, nothing else. [1]_

_''I know you gave them troops and supplies to attack.'' America snapped and Russia shrugged again only to make America lose control._

_''They merely wish to control the south and pursue their wishes.'' _

_''Oh yes I forgot you're with him in a red quest to rule the earth!''_

_''Almost, I wish you to see how **right** I am, it would make you wiser little American.'' He said and America hissed in disgust._

_''I will never join your web of lies!''_

_''Never lies! We are fighting for a good reason. My people are believing and I also am!'' Russia stated and America glare intensified as he smirked._

_''Why it always seems you are telling that to yourself instead of me?''_

_Russia__ frowned and walked away leaving America wonder why the man keeps drifting from helping to disagreeing and turning all into 'shit'._

_._

**somewhere in the middle of the 1960's**

The century was heavy for Russia. He endured America's company as an ally because they had a mutual enemy but that ended soon. That left little space to think about their previous friendship, he was betrayed with the Japan war, he felt betrayed with the constant need of America to tell him that he was evil and bad and he started to grow tense with the country.

For him the fighting didn't ended with the Wars as with the others. It started soon, beginning of the century and kept going and going and Russia lost count of how many lives were takes, how many people ran away and how many fights he had.

His people kept struggling and hoping for peace and a brighter future that sounded distant and with that Russia's frustration grew.

He wanted nothing more than prove to America, the self acknowledged 'Hero' that he was as good as him, if not better of course. He should be better; he may have a poor economy but had a great Union with power, influence and great ideals. He suffered with every inch of flesh to have a great Union, he was still suffering and that spoiled nation had it all. Russia was feeling envious and sad for that. It was never easy but he believed on his people, they were tough and they will achieve equality, peace and happiness. He just _knows_.

He just couldn't understand why America opposed so fiercely to that and that made his hostility and hatred grew harder and heavier every day.

* * *

><p><strong>After Notes<strong>:

The time follows after that night and now is the morning. The time skips through past and present but I hope you understand where it stands.

Sorry but I really wanted to post the main events but there are so many and I ended skipping many (russia revolutions and mostly russia history) I wanted to focus on both not only one.

Were we stand: Russia is with fear and denial, the accident triggered some bad memories that made him rather sensitive but he will come back to his usual self quickly don't worry. America is accepting slowly. He can't separate Russia from the man yet and has troubles with his mind but it's becoming more defined on that matter.

I only posted this because I had already written... lucky you.. my other stories are late because I'm having a hard time though.

**Next**: France will talk with Ukraine and there will be a skip of time to the end of the Euro. Finally.


	10. Chapter 10

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, explicit sexual behaviours and some colourful language.

Implied NetherlandxCanada; Fruk; Gerita; Sufin and non returned feeling of some countries.

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a crack movie... (a porn too) _

**Before reading notes:**

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

This will have present and past history facts. History contexts are based on real events but the stories are fictional.

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p><strong><em>1944<em>**_ – A few months before the liberation of France._

_The allied forces were camping near the Channel preparing the battle to take France from Germany. _

_England, Canada, America and Russia were camping together as China kept busy with Japan and receiving Russian armament to aid the cause. _

_Canada decided to sleep in England's tent, not only because Russia was a bit intimidating but also because he was a good point of earth grounding and patience that would help England to keep calm and rethink twice before wanting to do something. America as the hero didn't mind to stay with Russia._

_One hour to sunset and America was bored; their meeting brought nothing new, only loss and apprehension so he was waiting for Russia to have someone to talk to before eating and sleep but the man was outside the tent… _

_He slowly stood and walked outside watching the sun setting on the horizon making France look even more sombre. It was a sad, broken view that made him shudder and wonder how the representation would be like. _

_He walked to the little improvised bathroom they arranged and saw Russia shaving._

_Russia__ was shaving on a little bucked with a knife razor in swift precise moves. America frowned a bit, he barely had bear but Russia too he saw the man and he only had a little hair on his jaw and face. He walked closer and stood there simply watching the precise moves on his face on the little broken mirror before gazing him over. _

_Russia__ was shirtless and his back were heavily scarred and bandaged. His arms and muscles flexed with every little move and he could see the veins on his pale skin. He was an easy target now that he thought about that, pale, exposed with all his vital points marked in expressive colourful veins, it was no wonder he kept all dressed and intimidating people._

_He frowned noticing he was thinking about how easy it was to kill the man, lately these thoughts were constants on his mind and was letting him a bit worried, perhaps its one ill of the war, you get suspicious and prepare for eventual possibilities of danger and truth to be told he has been rather tense with that nation… He ran a hand through his hair watching Russia splash water to his face and started walking away._

_''What did you want?'' Russia asked not turning around and finishing cleaning his face while shaking his bangs from dirt and water and America stopped looking at him swallowing thinking how his normal face looked more sharp and handsome than when with that creepy smile._

_ ''Nothing…'' he replied before turning around and miss entirely how Russia turned to him with a hurt confused look on his face._

_He wondered for a while about the ache on his chest but decided it was the war never giving much thought about it and keeping his suspicion on the cold nation growing silently._

.X.

**Present time: 15 June**

It was an interesting day, or so France thought.

On his land sun shone rather prettily but where he stood, near a happy cheering Ukraine on her country watching the game while thinking how to approach her about her brother, it was raining and a few minutes after storming violently and interrupt their game the players were giving their best to not slide on the wet grass.

England was not there but he could almost feel the glare he would give him if he was. _'Just talk to her you bloody frog!' _the snarky English voice yelled on his head and he sighed turning to Ukraine who was lost in the emotion of the game.

''A lovely game non?'' he asked with a charming smile and she looked to him with an amused smile.

''Indeed but I am loosing…'' she laughed gazing the stadium and added, ''but I believe we can still turn the cards over!''

He laughed and nodded and she looked at him with a knowing smile, he must have been biting his lip giving himself away so he simply sighed as she looked to him waiting.

''How's your brother?''

''Why do you need to know?'' she said losing the smile and narrowing his eyes clearly expecting other conversation.

''Curiosity…'' he mumbled not having forgotten how she used to be a great power and still rather protective of her siblings in a passive but motherly way.

''I don't know what you have done but as his biggest sister I need to warn you France. If you hurt him I won't be as nice as you think…'' she warned turning completely to him giving him all her attention and he nodded with a sympathetic understanding smile.

''I understand, I'm a big brother myself, _oui?_ But we are only trying to help...'' he said lowly not wanting the identities around them to listen and she sighed touching her collar in a concerned way.

''He doesn't like to be 'helped'… he solves his own problems and expects to keep them to himself…'' she said with a sad look on huge dark blue eyes and he nodded.

''I understand but this concern us all…'' he pleaded a bit and she sighed while he placed a hand on her.

''You know Francis, when he was a child, before he was taken from me by Mongolia, he was a cry-baby… He used to cry for the silliest things… Once this little mice bit him and he was so sad that he cried for hours saying that no one would want to befriend him… not even the mice.'' she said with a small laugh to turn sombre and dark as the clouds above the stadium.

''When he came back he was already a young man, he no longer cried… He was changed, cold and vengeful as ice…'' she said taking her hand from his and he shifted to her questioning.

''Do you know what happened there? ''

''I only know what I heard… he never told us… '' she said with the same sad look and France just knew that it was something that pained her, her little brother did not trust her. He could relate and he guesses all the nations can relate; they can not trust each other for obvious reasons… it's rather sad.

''Who could know?'' he asked with hopeful eyes and she bit her lip before sighing.

''Mongolia… Perhaps China or someone who belonged to the Golden Horde but I'm not sure…'' she shook her hair and he nodded.

''He's influent he can make them keep the silence for centuries...'' France murmured and she looked to him with a protective concerned look that made France relate to, after all he is also a big brother.

''Please leave him alone…don't push him. America may react to subtle things but he only reacts to blunt ones… He will get mad and pretend not to listen but he will and think about what was said in the peace of his alone mind.'' She said as the crowd of France cheered for the second goal making her shake his head sadly and look to the players who were exhausted and sadly looking at the cheering Frenchs.

''That is very helpful thank you.'' France said placing a hand on her shoulder, not really cheering with the crowd but feeling them cheer.

''I only want the best for my own brother…'' she murmured before parting from his side to take care of some late business. She was rather busy even having lost 2-0 and being eliminated.

France only texted England that the talk was a success and they needed to talk to China again before receiving a 'I will.'

.X.

Weeks passed and finally the European final came; Spain against Italy.

All the European Nations joined to see the last match of the Euro as usual.

The stadium was blazing and alight and so the countries watching it.

France lost with Spain and England with Italy so they were both in a sour mood not wanting to choose who defeated them but still not wanting the other to win, but the sourest nation was Portugal.

The match with Spain was considered one of the bests and he was still glaring Spain with a nostalgic sad look that meant _'I was the one that should be there, palhaço!'_.

No one wanted to be near him since he had Porto wine on his hand and a beer on his table ready to drink himself to oblivion or at least start a fight._ Hey, don't judge, Portugal should be the champion this time… like the last Euro…._ He sighed and whimpered before gulping the wine as if was water and glare at England who sent him a disapproving scowl.

The countries stalk talking a cheering with the emotion that the game gave them, some were still mad and angered, some sour, some happy and some rather exited and glued to the game as a life saver.

Ukraine giggled and talked softly with Poland and Belarus amused and glad that everything went more or less well and Spain laughed when the third goal came.

North Italy cried as Germany patted his back awkwardly and south Italy was grabbed by Prussia, who decided it was essential his awesome presence on the event, cursing and yelling at Spain saying the game and arbitrators were all bought.

Spain simply sighed and shook his head before smiling to France who had already forgotten their spat and was cheering with him.

Russia was in a corner feeling rather dejected. The outsider of Europe; it felt silly but incredibly true and sad. He frowned and glared at everyone especially Latvia who trembled and tried to avoid his piercing look making him feel at least a bit amused on that place.

He never had someone to talk to on these competitions, well sometimes Poland decided to glare at him and Prussia try to make pranks that normally lead him to be knocked out by a pipe but still it made him feel a bit amused on that room filled with European countries… His sisters also talked to him a bit and even Ireland too but most kept distance in fear, respect or simply because they didn't like him.

He hated to feel unneeded and unwanted and they made that even not noticing. Suddenly he wished America was there just to make a glare contest with him and keep him busy… the idiot always made him feel necessary and essential.

The game finally ended with Spain winning by 4 to 0 and he glared at them.

''They should rot in joy…'' he murmured darkly to himself receiving a few scared glances before kissing his sisters cheeks and be the first one leaving not wanting to be in the after game party.

After all it was not his win and he was rather exhausted.

.X.

America sat on his office with his legs above the desk and a pen on his mouth.

He felt like going out and be with his brother. He misses his brothers, like England, France, Australia… yes, those brothers but they are rather busy and still a bit mad at him. He already apologised but still feels guilty…

He sighed and looked at the ceiling watching the strange crack on it with a bashful smirk._ It looks like an alien! How cool!_

He sniffed and looked to the television that showed a very cheerful Spain along with his people celebrating, he smirked knowing they could only sense him and the record won't have him later. It was something rather amusing to Nations; then they had no proof of their existence and did not try to attempt against them.

He frowned feeling his neck hurt and stood popping his back joints and neck._ Ah, much better, _he thought and looked down at his papers.

There were papers about Russia and their trading. He felt rather intimidated by the quantity of trading that Russia and China were doing but he was doing the same with Canada so he hoped it was nothing… lethal.

_What? He doesn't trust Russia and he trusts even less China. Its something he learned with time… Everyone should beware the other countries, look at France and England who even with their spat started a nuclear program together. Hell yes, he knows it! America knows it all~!_

He may not hate Russia per se but he doesn't _like_ him either you see… His country still dislikes Russia and he doesn't trust him because that the man is a totalitarian jerk… _Hey Freedom rules! _

Now he was thinking about that again… _Crap._

He thought about it and came to some realisations.

Yes, _he_, as a person is rather _fond_ of the man under the personification of that country. His country side is still rather frustrated and betrayed about that though.

America knows how Russia was taken by previous criminals after his fall and he hates that Russia seems just fine with that. Well, America is not but Alfred can live with that he guesses.

He is not that kind of man though. If he was he would exchange is freedom for world domination… _How creepy it would be if he called Canada and asked to become one? Ah, he should make that as a prank someday. _On his place Russia would do it without a blink and that scares him a little.

Well, his country is not pleased with him but at least the voices decided to lower. That's good.

England once said that if a nation's heart and soul is being harmonized the voices are lower and bearable so it must mean that his sides are getting along better than before…

He smiled remembering when England told him about such things. He was rather young and England said that music is a nation's voice, poetry their heart and art their soul. America curiously asked what is a nation's spirit and England just grinned looking at an old picture of his people. He understood then that while his people fight a nation fight. It was reassuring for him, his people are fighters.

He shifted again and read a few requests from his boss. He asked him to try to make some bonding with Russia among other countries. He also made emphasis on the _'and behave' _letters.

He frowned not amused. He behaves… it's not his fault that the bastard is always on his mind like a disease and he pushes his buttons with the minimal words. He should stop calling him jerk, bastard and dick though… Yes, it sounds a good idea.

He frowned and looked at the red phone on his left.

It was similar to the one he received on 1963 for the hotline between his country and the Soviet Union and he bit his lip in guilt.

**_1963_**_ - Establishment of the "Hotline:" The United States and the Soviet Union signed a memorandum of understanding in Geneva in June 1963 to establish a direct communications link, or "hotline," between the two governments for use in a crisis._

_The phone ranged at 3:45am and America groaned grabbing the phone angrily. _

_''Is this crisis?'' he hissed and after a sigh he heard shifting._

_''Nyet Amerika, it is not being a crisis.'' The Soviet Union said slowly and he glared at the phone._

_''Then why are you calling?'' he asked harshly rather tired from his day and the hoarse tired voice replied meekly._

_''I just wanted to listen to a friendly voice…''_

_America__ frowned thinking it was a prank and snapped to the phone ''You have your big family, go to them!'' clicking the phone shut missing how Ivan, not the country cried and grabbed his phone murmuring '…they hate me too…'._

He really knows he was harsh but he was feeling tense and their threats were a constant. Only hours after the call he realised what he did, and even tried to talk to the country but he ignored him glaring harshly.

He hated to think about that, it made him think about the 1990's… He spent half of a century thinking that victory would be sweet and great but he was wrong.

No one won, well America is the lasting winner as expected but… Both countries personifications broke down. Russia much more of course but America can't deny that he also fell into the claws of blood thirst and war illnesses. Paranoia and revenge feelings mostly, and only years after he could recall the events with a more calm and neutral vision.

**_December 1990_**_ - Gorbachev Wins Nobel Peace Prize: The Nobel Committee awarded Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev the Nobel Peace Prize for agreeing to arms control measures, pulling troops out of Eastern Europe, and moving to end the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan._

_America__ was rather happy about what the man did so he was okay that a 'Commie' won the Nobel. _

_He walked to the man with his boss and looked at the Soviet Nation wanting to tell him that it was a good thing and he was hopeful even knowing he would only shake his hand and stare at him._

_The Soviet Nation stood all and proud as ever, he limped slightly and wore his brownish coat with his scarf. _

_America__ frowned noticing he was slightly bended and peeked at his scarf and coat noticing it was much bigger to his frame than it was before and he frowned really looking at his face._

_His purple eyes looked dull as the skin around them looked rubbed and tired. His lips that made the everlasting smile were chopped and bitten and he half smiled half winced in every move._

_It was the first time that America realised what Russia had become. Weak._

_The winning tasted bitter to him and he frowned avoiding looking at the Union who watched him with interest._

**_December 1991_**_ - Dissolution of Soviet Union: On December 8, the leaders of Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine declared that the Soviet Union had ceased to exist and proclaimed a "Commonwealth of Independent States" (CIS). Eleven former Soviet Republics joined the CIS on December 21. The resignation of President Gorbachev on December 25 formally brought the Soviet Union to an end._

_Russia__ was smiling._

_America__ looked at him with a frown wondering why he was smiling and mused aloud._

_''Are you happy!?''_

_''Yes!'' Russia replied but never took the eyes of the countries signing to leave him while his eyes become wet and glassed and his smile trembled._

_America__ frowned and looked down wishing that at least his boss came back to his side. Being on Russia's side was devastating; he looked miserable._

He tried to reach out for Russia. He helped him cleaning his country from that filthy policy and even sent money but Russia, thin, weak, paler than snow and more fragile than America ever seen Russia, who kept denying the need for help. He sent it either way but was hurt that Russia only looked at him with distaste.

**_June 1992_**_ - Washington Summit: President Yeltsin made a state visit to Washington for the next summit meeting held June 16-17. He and President Bush agreed to continue the START process and set a goal of reducing their countries' strategic nuclear arsenals by 3,000-3,500 warheads by the year 2003. The United States pledged $4.5 billion as a share of a $24 billion international program to support economic reform in Russia._

_''I do not want your money...'' Russia said looking at nothing and America stood in front of him trying to make him meet his eyes._

_''Your boss wants it and you need it.'' He stated making Russia look at him with slightly desperate and hateful eyes._

_''What else do you want from me? LEAVE ME!'' he hissed pointing a gun to his head and America swallowed the pain on his chest leaving the room._

_Reset a fuck! Nothing changed… he realised bitterly._

He truly hated to think about those years but they were a point of turning for the World peace. Truth be told their relation was still sour and Russia mostly blamed him not making a try to hide it. When America acted in some country Russia had to put his nose there just to spite him. America sighed and nodded sadly knowing he did the same. It was the old feeling of competition… he can't change their people's hearts.

He hopes he can change his mind… they can be _awesome_ together…

Look at the space race.

They competed, yes, but it was one of the funniest things he did on his life. He still worked with his boys on the NASA and loved every bit of space discovery taking with Russia once in a while about that. After all he's sure Russia also had fun. His eyes always would twinkle warmly at the change of competition and subject of election.

**_1957-1958_**_ - Sputnik and the Space Race: On October 5, 1957 the Soviets beat the United States into space by successfully launching the first artificial (man made) earth satellite, Sputnik I, into orbit. A month later, the Soviets sent up another satellite, this time carrying a dog. The United States did not launch its first satellite, Explorer I, until January 31, 1958._

_July **1975** - Apollo-Soyuz Mission: The United States and the Soviet Union conducted the Apollo-Soyuz Test Project, a joint space effort culminating with a linking of the two crafts._

_''These meetings have been working...'' America said looking at Russia who looked up in a childish fascination and glee._

_''Da, they have.'' Russia never looks away from what he's looking at and America grins still looking at his face absorbing the look on Russia's face. He was so used to the hateful glares that he almost forgot how he looked when happy._

_''We will conquer the space dude... this is so awesome!'' he murmured cheerfully and Russia nodded cracking a small smile._

_America__ disliked him but what they achieved is great and creates fulfilment on his heart as a nation and as a man._

**_February 1994 - First Joint U.S.-Russian Space Shuttle Mission: The first joint U.S.-_**_Russian Space Shuttle Mission launched on February 3 with Russian Cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev onboard the U.S. Space Shuttle Discovery._

_''This is good…'' America looked at Russia who was slowly recovering and looking at the space shuttle with slight sadness and nostalgia. America understood. Without money he couldn't compete anymore but this was good, America only could think of one person to work in the space and it was him._

_''Da, it is.'' Russia looked at him with a grateful small smile and he frowned making at pained face blurting._

_''We'll never be friends again Russia…''_

_Russia__ opened his mouth and closed it before nodding at something close to hurt flashed on his eyes for a moment before he turned to the front._

_''I know…''_

**_November 2000 - First Crew on Manned International Space Station: _**

_''They are there Amerika! Finally'' Russia called him cheerfully and America grinned_

_''I know!''_

_''Amerika…'' the heavily accented voice started and the line cut out making America frown and place the phone down shrugging it off when meanwhile on the other side Russia pressed a hand on the 'end call' button and swallowed murmuring a 'thank you' to the empty air of his cold room._

Now they are working on the 'Curiosity', well America is and hopefully Russia will be as exited as him when it landed on Mars.

He sighed and looked at his clenched fingers.

He can't deny how he enjoys his company… and perhaps he is attracted by his … uh, _enemy_…

_From all the enemies it had to be this one … Just his luck but he's a hero and he's optimistic that everything will work just fine…_

He just needs to take things slowly. And hope that Russia won't hit him with his pipe and weird stuff that he keeps on his pockets.

He looked up to the sky with a small smile feeling some of the pressuring on his shoulders leave as he thought about the next meeting. He will try to befriend Russia again.

* * *

><p><strong>After Notes<strong>:

palhaço means clown, it's a Portuguese bad diminishing word like parvalhão, cão, etc… oh, it means bastard, dog etc..

Portuguese here is glad to show you all the mean words you can call to your non portuguese friends and leave them stupid XD

More two chapters I guess, maybe?

I still have a few things to organize here… I deleted facts because this was getting rather boring… I know sorry…

Were we stand: America accepted and wants to befriend Russia and slowly work things out. Russia is still rather oblivious to America's feeling.

Oh dear... these weeks sucked but hey, I wrote a bad new chapter~~ xD

**Next**: A new G8 meeting! Hey they did one on the beginning on the year now it's time for another. Yes it is~~


	11. Chapter 11

**It was not suppose to happen**

**Warnings:** this will have heavily homophobic views, explicit sexual behaviours, **RAPE**, and some colourful language.

_**Disclaimer:** Hetalia's not mine but if it was I would really find cosplayers and make a crack movie... (a porn too)_

**Before reading notes:**

**This are not my ideals or visions, it's only in the story context! I apologise if someone feels offended by any sentence or implication.**

Thank you for reading and/or reviewing

* * *

><p><strong><em>XVIII Century. <em>**

_[Spain allies with France for the Spanish Succession against England, Portugal and the Netherlands sided with the Holy Roman Empire. _

_France__ decay was eminent but still fought and tried to keep his own colonies._

_The Seven Years' War followed beginning in 1756 and France was loosing power towards the English making England overpower him and keep his colonies as his fall only kept growing. England became the most powerful maritime power and France lost most of his empire.]_

_England__ captured the French ship and smirked watching his men bringing France to his cabin. He could think of dark dirty places to keep him but decided to humour him for a while. Who was he thinking he was by standing with Spain against him? Ah, idiot!_

_England__ was growing powerfully while his hatred towards that bastard also nurtured slowly but steadied. Their war was imminent and he could feel it on his blood, the cries and cravings of his people embed on his depths demanding the blood of the French._

_France for his side kept using the same strategy, he left his colonies to defend themselves while sending minimal troops when he realised it was a lost cause knowing he was surrounded by British colonies and would not have strength to fight for them. His army was still gathered in Europe knowing he would become an easy target if disperse troops all over his land while keeping victorious at home not relishing from his influence and power in all Europe._

_Smart move that made him distant to his colonies and made him start loosing them. It was a matter of time and every single one could see._

_The French was dragged to his cabin and shoved to the ground. _

_His arms and legs tied with rope as his dirty hair was loose and in front of his face. _

_England__ smirked amused, he saw him beaten with a ripped stinky blue pirate suit but his blue eyes were behind long dirty blond locks glaring at him._

_England narrowed his smug green eyes and felt his people demands on his veins as a drug, spreading and filling him with satisfaction._

_''So I see you can barely fight against my men… Stand up!'' England stated before yelling and France slowly stood shakily showing his fierce blue eyes._

_''And I see your luck made you a presumptuous man Angleterre.'' France sneered and he walked to him as his boots clacked, on the wood ground, loudly._

_''Well you see, darling, when you are on the top of the world it's easy to get addicted to the power and blood.'' He smirked grabbing his chin and watching his face more clearly enjoying the slight weakened state it showed. _

_France face was filled with tiny bear from days without shaving and he could see darkened bruises that left him slightly amused while wondering if he was the cause of them or not. He wants to be the one hitting him, hurting him, making him bend to his Colonial Empire._

_''You don't care about your colonies, or country, you simply want more territory batard!'' _

_France__ spat and he took his hand away frowning. Even beaten and bruised he was challenging and pretty. Bloody frog._

_''I do care, you see. If I didn't you wouldn't be here. Trying to steal what is mine, you shouldn't have tried that.'' He mocked shaking his finger and France's eyes widened._

_''I was not! I was simply trying to check on my own colonies.'' He stated and England laughed._

_''The will soon be mine.'' _

_France__ snorted and turned his face to him keeping still and bended on his place._

_''You are delusional!''_

_''No France. You are delusional and loosing everything… be glad that I saved you from my man.'' England said amused watching blue eyes flash in loathing._

_''I think they are better company than those hideous caterpillars.'' He narrowed blue eyes and England kicked his knee making him kneel on the ground with a grunt._

_''Don't stretch your luck frog! You know very well what they would do with a pretty thing like you.''_

_''What? Mind to tell me how barbaric your men are?'' he challenged and England walked to him narrowing his eyes before grabbing his hair roughly making his scalp burn._

_''They would fuck you like the whore you are!'' he shoved England to the ground and France shifted slowly looking up smugly._

_''I do not make love with men Angleterre, I have plenty of women swaying for me but don't be jealous, I'm sure some barbaric woman will want you…'' he smirked and England snorted not wanting to punch him, yet._

_France__ saw him just watching him pleased and got unease trying to stand again but failing and sitting on the ground._

_''Why am I here?'' France asked and England looked at him with a raised bushy eyebrow._

_''I just told you.''_

_''Oh, you wanted me for yourself is it not? I do not blame you; I would also want a gorgeous thing like moi.'' France smirked teasing him and England grabbed the table trying to ignore the calls for blood from his people and the dirty wish of shutting him up that was growing by the second._

_''You are a despicable narcisistic frog!'' he stated and France finally managed to stand jumping to him._

_''But you want me, is it not?'' he asked lowly and England stepped to him narrowing his eyes._

_''Just because many men are doing that, doesn't mean that I am so desperate that I have to resort to you!'' England stated making a disgusted face and Francis laughed._

_''I can help you with that if you want, after all I'm a great lover.'' He winked and England shoved him away making him stumble._

_''Sod off, you are not here to flirt with me.'' He stepped away swallowing heavily the little bit of lust that crawled to surface for some unexplainable reason._

_''Oh yes, always business with you… Now you are filled with blood on your hands and power on your mind! You went insane England.'' France shook his head sadly and he looked at him in fury._

_''I hate you France''_

_''Non, you love me.'' France retorted and England shook in nervous anger and rage._

_''I fucking hate you and I will send you to my men. '' he said walking away and France looked at him with wide eyes._

_''Quoi?''_

_''I don't care what they do with your pretty mouth or ass.''_

_''An-Angleterre you are joking non?'' France asked in slight worry and fear and England smirked with satisfaction listening that tone._

_''No-''_

_''Don't! You can't! '' France pleaded and England started walking again smirking._

_''Come on France, you are a bloody bastard that was fucked many times, this won't kill you.'' He was enjoying the despair on France's voice more than he should but his blood was boiling in power, superiority, need and want._

_''Angleterre!'' France pleaded making him stop, ''I take it back, I apologise! I don't care don't send me to those brutes! We are nations we have agreements on this!'' France stated hysterically and he turned to him. Hissing a low ''I don't care'' making France despair and look around._

_''I'll do anything!'' France said and England smirked._

_''Give me your colonies.'' England demanded and France frowned._

_''You are insane if you think I'll do that! Let me go now.'' He demanded looking up and England walked to him again._

_''Ah, no. You see, you are my prisoner and you can only obey me.'' He smirked stopping in front of the French watching defiant blue._

_''I would rather die.''_

_''Then I'll kill you.'' England replied easily making France laugh nervously._

_''You are joking.''_

_''No.'' he shrugged and France smirked making him frown. _

_''You are only trying to make me want you non? I get it, but you are doing it wrongly cher. I don't care about your power….'' France tried to tease things into his side again and England laughed._

_''I don't want you and yes you'd give your bloody soul for my power.'' He grinned making France look at him seriously._

_''You want me cher.'' England spat a ''No.'' shivering again in anger. His mind screamed him to hurt him, to fuck him raw showing him a lesson and leave him on the ocean to die._

_''Your men also wanted me, so it means I appeal you.'' He smirked and England narrowed his green eyes flashing dangerous red._

_''France!'' he warned and France smirked smugly knowing he dug deep on his skin._

_''What are you going to do about it? Take me here?''_

_''Shut up!'' England yelled and France laughed again. His frog annoying laughs echoing on the cabin making his anger boil more intensely. _

_''You couldn't do it. You couldn't even fuck a little virgin woman.'' He kept laughing and England grabbed him pushing him to the ground seeing France finally shutting up and shake in nervous fear._

_''Stop Angleterre.'' He murmured and England pushed him more to the wood ground ripping his pants and back clothing making France plead desperately. _

_''Ang… stop it I get it, I went to far.''_

_England's mind was too far away, his blood demanded blood, conquer and to show him who was in charge filling him as a drug and numbing his rationality._

_''You always go to far now take responsibilities!'' He murmured near his hard starting to opening his pants._

_''Angleterre, what are you doing, stop I understood…. ?'' France's voice cracked and he stood still waiting for England to get out of him but England started pumping himself to erection._

_''I'm going to fuck a little virgin woman! '' he sneered and France started trashing and trying to pry him from himself even with his hands and legs restrained._

_''Non non!'' he pleaded and England finally got hard enough to grab his hips and push his ass up._

_''Arrêt, arrêt, si vous plait!'' he pleaded and England thrusted inside him making him cry out and start crying in pain, humiliation and despair._

_England__ flinched at the tight feeling around him preventing him to get more than half inside of the French and grabbed his hair pushing his tear-stained face to him._

_''Ah bloody hell… you feel like a virgin!'' he murmured pushing more inside as heat finally started arousing his troubled mind and silence was his answer as he started thrusting slowly._

_France__ cried and sobbed and he frowned. It was he who kept teasing and pushing his luck!_

_''Ah, France… say at least say something git!'' h panted and France pushed his face away from him to place it on the ground and plead again._

_''Please… it hurts stop…'' he murmured and England stopped moving looking down watching blood leaking around his cook deep on the other's ass._

_'Oh God…. What am I doing?' eh wondered shocked with himself and pushed out as his erection quickly died. _

_France__ sobbed and cried face on the ground bending himself and curling as blood leaked and trailed his anus and tights._

_''Jesus... you were a bloody ass virgin!'' England gasped in wonder and realising slowly what he just did to another nation and France yelled._

_''Release me.'' He cried and England quickly released him watching with wide green fearful eyes. What is he becoming? Is France right, is he insane?_

_France stood slowly and grabbed his ripped pants walking away stopping at the door gazing him with red eyes, nose and face._

_''If you asked me, I would gladly do it with you but I would never do this to another person.'' He stated before bumping the cabin door._

_England__ grabbed his own hair and started looking around with wide green eyes as a man knocked and peeked inside._

_''We caught the French trying to escape captain.'' He said and England looked up in despair._

_''Let him go!'' he yelled angered and shocked with himself and the man looked at him._

_''But captain, he's French…'' he murmured and he stood yelling ''LET HIM GO! LET HIM GO!'' _

_The man nodded and murmured a ''Aye captain.'' Before leaving and England knelt on the ground crying._

_What has he done!?_

_._

**Flashback Notes:** Europeans were savages, pirates worse. True story bro!

Men on men fucks were common between them on the sea or so I read and heard on documentaries. Rape is not fun or a kink on this story, is something hurtful as it is on reality you perverts! xD

England did not have consent and his mind was conflicted and numb by all his power, conquer and blood-lust feelings but he regretted deeply what he did. Only years later he realised that his lust for the french also took part of that actions.

France was very heartbroken by this and avoided him for years. On this I imagine France avoiding all the seven years war and loosing more easily for the fact that he kept at home trying to avoid another direct confront with the English. *this headcanon was made for this story, oh well I had to show you what happened between them.*

**.**

**Present time**

England drank tea recording that fateful day.

His blood boiled with blood lust and need that led him to greed and blindness. He desired even against himself and Francis kept showing, telling, teasing and he snapped still not believing on his actions.

A desperate man actions and a nation's greed thrive for everything, anything, more conquers to his pedestal.

It took months for France to forgive him and years for him to talk normally with him again. It still bothers England and he can't forgive himself what he did.

Nations had agreements and followed them; they helped each other in order to try to make peace not more war, which was human's blood and flesh, not theirs even if they have lust for fight as any human. They made those agreements since Ancient Greece and should follow them because they felt on their skin and flesh the carnage that happened before.

Nations should be an example not domineering savages.

He sighed troubled but knowing he did not regret most of those glorious days. He regretted only _that_, the one time he _hurt_ deeply a fellow nation. A nation he may or may not love at the time.

He sighed and looked in front watching people walking on the street through the window. He hopes that nothing like that happens again and that peace is still approachable even if they boil for some fight as fiercely as before.

France hugged England from the back and pressed on kiss to his cheek before gazing on his line of vision and placed his chin on his shoulder, England allowed him and even rested himself on him; he was tired of unwanted memories and recently he keeps thinking about how France feels about that day. Worse is that he knows the wars brought him all back, he was ruined, violated, beaten and left for death for days. Was he not a nation he would not had survived and he almost haven't.

''What's wrong?'' he asked and England kept watching intently the outside with a thoughtful frown before sipping his tea and calming himself from violent thoughts.

''Things are changing…'' he murmured between sips trying to forgive his last thoughts and hope for better while expecting for the worst and France nodded.

''Are you scared?'' France raised one eyebrow watching their form on the window in slight filling domesticity and a giddy smile.

''No.'' he answered after a few seconds of ponder and placed the cup on the table before placing his hands above France's hands.

''This won't last….'' He murmured then and France closed his eyes sighing sadly.

''Yes, I know.'' he replied truthfully fully knowing that he meant that the peace and the little moments they have never last.

Both hoped it did though.

.X.

A new meeting was going to happen and Russia prepared everything to go to the Spain. Sadly some countries were in need and measures would have to be thought and made to take action before crisis expands more.

Russia shifted his eyes through the street waiting for his sister Belarus to appear.

She decided to go with him and he didn't refuse because he preferred to have her company than having none, besides they were apart for a while and would be nice to see her again even knowing that she only wanted to go with him to place herself on his good side and take advantage of that while talking with America on his back and give him her most recent news.

He knew his sisters talked with the blond against him but he didn't have the will to care much. His intelligence would tell him what he need eventually and he preferred to ignore the feelings of betrayal and sadness the subject brought him.

He had tried so hard and they still try to keep away from him… That's how low he hit with his fall, his own family, the only people he thought he could trust turning against him forever.

He shook his head and smiled seeing her sister walking to him. At least he could spend time with her while she was not in one of her 'marry me brother' moods. He couldn't stand knowing she did that mostly on desperation to have his money and influence while pinning him into something he didn't wanted.

Hours of plane and he finally got to spain. Weather was much warmer than on his home and he opened slightly his scarf taking his coat. Belarus also dressed a lighter dress that made her look gorgeous. He smiled seeing her scolding to the unwanted looks of men and women; she was creepy but very sweet.

They met a very friendly Spain there and he took them to the hotel where all the nations would stay. Russia felt very happy for having someone to talk warmly to him; Spain was always a warm nation even if a bit oblivious and laid back.

After resting and sleeping he decided to go for a walk and Belarus decided to go with him clinging on his arm tightly. He simply sighed and allowed knowing he wouldn't hear the end of it if he refused or denied her.

''It's a lovely day brother.'' She said with a soft smile and he nodded to her not really paying attention to his surroundings or weather.

''Brother would you like an ice cream?'' she asked looking at a small café and he smiled to her.

''You eat, I'll pay you one.'' The smile she gave him worth all the money though. He wished that Katyusha could spend more time with him, he was still a bit annoyed with himself for having went to her making her worried.

After the ice cream was bought they left the place and walked with no destination slowly until something caught his eye.

Two men were holding each other hand and talking softly while reading some newspaper and he swallowed frowning a bit.

He couldn't understand… He tried to understand and keep an open mind but couldn't. What France and the others said got to him and he knew he had difficulties separating himself from his country but thinking as a human he still couldn't understand.

It was degrading, humiliating, weak and simply low to allow another man to make you submit to him. Feelings of hopeless and forced submission were always what Russia felt when trying to understand how two men could make love. It was wrong; they could not produce a family or even bond in the same way as a heterosexual pair do. He tried to imagine a relation on that nature between women and he also felt like it lacked something, it lacked the working power, the strength and protection of a man and it messed with his head leaving him frustrated.

On the other side watching those men simply holding each other and talk softly caused him a slight jealousy that turned into an uncomfortable feeling.

_''You are only thinking on the sexual act!'' _China's words echoed on his head and he blinked stopping his walking.

Belarus looked at him and followed his gaze with narrowed eyes.

''Isn't it disgusting brother?'' she asked with venom, jealousy and unseen selfishness and he hesitated wondering if it was so wrong to _love_ another man.

Love, not having sex, just nurture deep feelings for one; simply share a life of good and bad things with someone who can understand you better than the opposite sex, someone who will know what to do when you start ageing and feel the pressures of it as well the pressures of a greedy work filled society. _Love…_

''Yes…'' he murmured walking again looking down ashamed to be even thinking about it and Belarus sniffed hard before munching on her ice cream and follow him.

He was a nation, he didn't age but perhaps if he didn't he was a human would understand it better… _Because love was a thing that humans felt, not nations, yes?_ Their lives were too long for love, love was temporary and transitory. Feelings change, everything change and nations know it very well. Russia knows it better than many.

He frowned rather tired of all that thinking and asked Belarus to go back to the hotel.

.

The meeting was only on the next day and he was already tired of being there.

Russia was early as always and as always entered on the meeting alone waiting for someone to make polite talk to him or even simply sit there with him.

He couldn't forget a thought that crossed his mind. Besides all his confusion between same gender love, he couldn't stop thinking about love. Raw, simple love between two people.

He never had someone to love him, to smile at him and tell him that while making his life a bit brighter, all he had were feelings of fear and discomfort around him.

Not that this was entirely bad, after all fear is just as strong of an emotion as love and easier to manipulate someone with. Well, it was quicker, at least.

Love on the other side takes time to build up, fear was always there craving on minds wondering when we do the last bad mistake and he despised that fear. That feelings of hopeless because you can't make people love you as you can't force yourself to love someone you dislike.

He understood the dynamic of love and even loved himself. He loved deeply a woman once but she never felt like that towards him, she simply took care of him and was kind while he tried to make her fall for him. She died eventually and only many years after his grief disappeared.

Love was very hard for nations because they were unattached, mostly. They can't feel connected with people and it's very rare and hard to feel a deep connection with another nation. Distance is another problem but changing factors are the main reason that keeps them so unattached to each other. They can't love someone who they will be forced to hate when in war, that would be the fall of both nations. The mere thought of it makes his heart bleeds, he could not bear such thing.

Nation personifications kept entering on the room and his sour mood was becoming worse. He wanted vodka… vodka always warmed him up when he felt lonely and confused like this.

America entered on the room and he gazed him slight distrusting slight fearful for some reason.

America was the only one who simply bluntly disliked him and did not fear him. He liked that, it made him feel normal, wanted somehow. And once they were friends.

He remembers perfectly how it felt to be with him, receiving some warmth and kindness instead of nervous glances. Even China distrusted him and glanced him with restless unease.

America looked at him and he moved his eyes to other place, somewhere else with a deep frown replacing his vacant features. His smile was always there thought and now was so curved upward that it was hard not to notice how his teeth were clenched.

He got infatuated by that man once, but he dealt with it. It was simply a side effect of having for once a real friend who wanted to be with him; a warm, touchy feeling friend who besides being an attractive person was intelligent, shared dreams with him and even listening to what other countries said about him never judged him.

He missed him dearly even knowing that America always found his dreams and hopes impossible.

Still it was a changing time on his life that made him confused, only that and he stopped having those thoughts until these nosy nations decided to pry on his country matters.

They already changed him, made him fall and convert to something he still dislikes but they keep trying to change him and more than angering him it hurt because no one seemed to like his country of himself as he was…

He sighed sour and rather mad before smiling at China and turning around to the table not wanting to talk to anyone.

He simply wanted to get rid of these conflicting confusing thoughts. Somehow he knew they were his own and not his nation's ones.

.

England caught China on the beginning of the meeting and made a motion from France and Germany to wait. Without them Spain could not start the meeting.

China looked at him with a raised eyebrow and he sighed.

''We want to bring it back to this reunion.'' He stated and China shook his head.

''This time I won't help. This is not your business and I already placed myself in a dangerous web.''

''We are doing it for them, we are only worried.'' England admitted and China sighed looking at the other two who were listening.

''America may be your friend but you do not have nothing to do with Russia. Let him be, it's only better for everyone.''

''China could you at least tell us what happened back then?'' France pleaded and China frowned.

''When?''

''Golden Horde, the Mongolian empire… Ukraine said something about…'' France trailed and China looked up.

''No.''

''But….''

''This is not your business but messes with mine! Promise me as a nation that you won't pry on that!'' China demanded and they trade looks

''We can't do that!'' England yelled and France looked at China confused.

''I want this to stop here! If eventually Russia decides to tell someone is with him but I want you to stop prying on that.'' He stated and they nodded rather dejected.

''Okay… we promise.'' England said for them all as they nodded.

''Good, now focus on the real problems!'' he warned before entering on the meeting room.

''There it goes our last chance..'' France murmured and England looked at him.

''Perhaps is better to follow his warning, maybe we don't want to know…''

''Oui… I agree. Should we just let them run their path and hope for the best?''

''Yes… I shall keep one eye on America though.'' England frowned and France nodded agreeing.

It was settled, they would not pry again even if a bit unwilling to that but both knew that some things were better unknown.

.

America couldn't help stare at Russia in worry and mistrust. The nation always so mysterious, quiet and always with such a strong presence with him, a dark cold one that stands out heavily with Russia dislikes something.

America shakes the paranoid feelings and keeps looking though. He can sense Russia's displeasure in every inch of skin and everyone around him feels it too as they keep shifting restlessly.

It reminds him again of bad things, especially a big fight on a meeting not so different of this one.

Economical issues were the subject and a huge crisis was happening on his country. The economical crash that was happening was making everyone edgy.

America and Russia started to spat and bicker because of something Russia said, he doesn't remember well but it led to show the changes Russia's country was facing.

America talked politely and a bit hesitant worried that any second from all the stress of his country and still trying to keep Russia's friendship with all he had but Russia talked about his ideal with such strength that America couldn't help shake his head scared.

They shared big dreams at the time, mostly scientific dreams because their ideologies crashed a bit. Now he couldn't help wonder since when Russia's beliefs were so impossible and unpractical.

Dreams is what they were; a blind pursuit of happiness.

And Russia kept talking about equality and America snapped.

_'' If people go along with this everyone will be the same, but that's not real equality! Everyone forced to speak the same, believe the same, work for the same pay, learn the same things; that's not liberty. And can anyone truly be happy living like that Russia!'' he said shaking a bit noticing the quick disappointment on purple orbs._

_''Nyet, it's a search for equality and a big happy family America! We can be equal and happy together as one!'' he said with a sickly sweet smile and America sat back not wanting to tell or show how that was a threat to democracy and he was feeling betrayed._

America frowned sighing and looked at Germany who was asking Spain how his country was fairing. Badly as predicted and America felt a sudden pang of guilt on his gut knowing all the pressure was on him and all of them were blaming him.

He felt nauseated with all the tension and pressure catching up and deliberate leaving the meeting but that was proving them that they were right and he was failing. He felt awful.

He keeps trying and trying and all he gets is harder disputes between countries that make him intervene because yes, he cares and he's a Hero even if he's not feeling one and they think he's only prying on their subjects and nasty looks as countries and people start hating him.

A flashback of Russia came to his mind making him look down with a pained ache on his chest.

_Russia__ was the one country standing up with him against the confederacy when he kept falling apart. _

_He saw America laying in a bed beaten and bruised and still held his hand saying that he was not hated, simply misunderstood and should not give up._

_America__ was aware that Russia's motives were a bit because of a spat with England but still those words made him feel needed. It made him fight._

He couldn't deny how he missed that Russia, the one that was on his side for the good and bad, the one who would tell him about the world and Europe… He misses him deeply and he feels guilt for that but can't help wanting just to be close to him and try one more time to befriend him.

He hopes Russia will at least let him enter on his life again even if their countries are still tense and will ever be. There's no denying on the animosity their people engage towards each other due their political differences and fights but America is also a man and he can be selfish and befriend another man who happens to be a creepy Russian, right?

All the nervous feeling was back and he was sure Russia will make it hard for him so he waited patiently, doodling on his papers, for the meeting to end.

The meeting ended and Russia was one of the firsts getting out of the room even if he was far from the door. America had to walk quicker to catch him but eventually did it.

''Russia! Dude wait!'' he yelled running a bit for Russia and Russia looked at him with slightly worried purple eyes.

''You ok?'' America frowned a bit and Russia nodded.

''Is that something you wanted to say?'' he asked and America nodded feeling rather nervous but at the same time exited. He wants to know Russia again.

''Do you want to hand out sometime, you know, improve relations? God knows we need it…'' he grinned trying to make it at lest half hearted and Russia's eyes widened a bit before narrowing.

''What did they said to you?'' he asked angered and he frowned.

''Nothing dude, chill! I just…'' he sighed and ran a hand though his hair looking up, ''I want to know you again… We changed but… I want to understand you and hope that our relations improve I swear…'' he said raising his arms with a small smile showing that his intentions were true and Russia looked a bit troubled.

Russia looked at him reading him and saw nothing bad only pure interest in befriend him making him think again how they were friends and how he possibly misses the American.

He felt repulsed with himself, angered but yet he was wanting and couldn't change that fact.

He envies America and resents him, his nation has rather strong loathing feelings about America believing that he doesn't deserve his fame and fortune, they were achieved and built on the back of his misfortune and that makes him loath him but his human side craved the friendliness, the long gone warmth and he looked away with a pained expression. _Oh he will regret this, he just knows but his mind is too confused right now._

America sensed the growing distress in the nation and was about to talk when Russia opened his mouth and sighed shakily.

''As you wish, call me later and we'll schedule something.'' He tried to keep vacant but the shakily sigh that left his mouth made him feel weak, fragile and he roughened a bit on the words making America nod with hesitation.

''Okay then… bye…'' America walked away with a few glances and he walked to his hotel room wanting to leave to his house quickly.

These feelings of desperation, hopeless out of control of himself and nervousness made him fearful and he hated that so he tried to keep his mind empty until he was able of properly thinking thoroughly about them. This time he was to take China's advice, he needs to understand his human side or he will feel even worse. He didn't want to run to Ukraine again as a little toddler, it made him feel weak.

When he got home he closed himself drinking vodka waiting anxiously for America's call with a vague wonder and awareness of himself. It scared him but was refreshing and he decided to think slowly and keep trying to open his mind a bit, inside his limits of course.

He decided to talk to China to understand better his views; he did not approve them but didn't refuse to acknowledge them this time making China rather pleased.

France walked to him and talked about love and silly things that he vaguely listened while trying to add to his information. Intimacy though was something that caught his interest and he wonders how it was to be intimate with someone, he never thought in all his centuries of life that intimacy was so complex and embracing.

His nation side kept very displeased with him and he was feeling guilty and a traitor to his country but he couldn't help to be just curious and know more, besides if he took it slowly he could understand better yes?

He slowly opened himself to befriend America and was rather happy to have his friend again. He truly enjoyed their competition too so it was a bonus.

America started to talk to him more and engage in hang outs.

He could sense the hesitation and hard conflict on the Russian but waited knowing how it was for himself. It was hard and he was still struggling a bit but something told him it would be harder for Russia somehow. He was willing to help and wait as long as it took for both even if Russia was very unwilling to even think in swinging that way. He looked rather repulsed by the thought of intimacy between men but America still hoped that he would grow to _respect_.

He couldn't deny his attraction for the Russian and wished the feeling to be mutual but pressed nothing wanting to keep it casual.

America understood it and felt content in having Russia's friendship again.

It was all he wanted and was happy that the Russian wanted to befriend him again.

Yes, it was a good change even if their countries kept on the edge and placing them in rather hard positions towards each other. Eventually they will grow to ignore that.

France was rather pleased with the changes and even if things work bad he was content that it turned to be fine.

England was spying America though and Sealand even helped.

There were many turns and changes to happen, every country feels it on the earth pulsar and rush of blood but sometimes what is not supposed to happen happens for some reason.

At least Nations like to think that.

* * *

><p><strong>The end.<strong>

**After Notes**:

Well, it's the end. Perhaps I continue from here someday but I feel that I have no skills to develop their relationship right now.

Alfred slowly accepted his feelings and now is still struggling with his country side but much better. He decide to wait for Russia to respect same gender love with open arms and an optimistic blind hope that he someday can at least love him for a while. He was hoping for the worse though.

Russia is slowly opening his mind but not so aware. Slowly with America's friendship he will take a few thoughtful moments that will lead him to accept and realise himself. He would take much longer due old bruises on his mind. The sexual act would be something to be avoided even trying to get intimate with someone he wanted to be with. On this case America.

I think I failed on my baby (this story) but ... yeah... I wanted to finish it even if I feel it and know that I failed... don't hate me but I was not able of expressing very well what I wanted, I have no such skill, sorry.

Thank you for reading and staying with this story until the end.


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